Sitting in a darkened room
Outside the flowers in full bloom
Nothing near and nothing far
Alone with just this chocolate bar
In the corner something squeaks
As someone on the staircase creaks
Something crawls upon my legs
"Please don't hurt me." It slowly begs
Brushing away the fireflies
As they buzz their sad goodbyes
The mice scuttle across the floor
And the wind come through the door
Sitting in a darkened room
I think I have a newfound home.
Author notes
so i wrote this in math class because derivatives are just plain boring.
A contest entry
- Unusual... by me-for-eternity.
465 points, ended March 13, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. by Escape--.
525 points, ended March 13, 2007, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nothing is ever really random, is it??? by bw43.
300 points, ended March 12, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Don't Know by Pollycheck.
450 points, ended April 29, 2007, 137 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tired of HM's (X) by PatheticKt.
550 points, ended August 26, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Huh, this is such an interesting write: almost had that surreal tone and all
To be honest, the first stanza was written awkwardly and the second stanza was written with a touch of cliche . . .
. . . but the other stanzas, good work- definitely like those ^^
Just try working on welcoming the poem to the reader whilst letting the reader continue reading and all ~
Overall, nice write, it has that potential to be a great piece, indeed
-
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. This is a very well written. I really can't put my finger on it, but for some reason this poem calls out to me. And I have to admit that it is much better than derivatives.
-
LoL... so derivatives made you think of a chocolate bar and mice? LoL.. that's pretty funny.
So... I'm confused as to its meaning, though I guess it has no meaning.... since you were just bored. It's what randomly seemed onto your notebook, instead of your notes... ha
At first it kinda sounded like it was going to be about a compulsive closet eater... then it kinda had a humoristic twist with the whole 'please dont hurt me' and mice...
interesting.
thank you very much for your entry and good luck in the contest
-
hhhmmm...interesting, what was your inspiration? best of luck in my competition,
me-for-eternity -
-
i was just totally bored in math, and this just kinda came to me.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
