I am the shadow,
castoff from the soft light
illuminating your soul.
Unsubstantial in your presence,
before fading back to nothingness
as you turn
away.
Author notes
As with all my poetry, I appreciate constructive feedback so that I can improve as a writer. Please give it to me straight, I'm a big boy, I can take it.
In a list
A contest entry
- ~ in 25 words ~ by LavendeRFlameS.
600 points, ends December 9, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Brief write,but wow
Wow,wow and wow some more.Awesome.3 cheers for you. -
How did I miss this one? Outstanding...deep and personal it feels, I can't imagine you being a shadow cast off a soft light...I would imagine you as a bright light cast off a beautiful sunset!Your structure in this really plays to the piece, lovely work! Excellent penning!
~Tia
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Excellant
Wow, what a powerful write, Well done indeed. -
OOOOOOH, I love this!!
. I know that you are a big boy and that you can take it so.... It is flawless. Filled with depth of thought and emotion. A truly magnificent poem. Well done
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Stepping out a bit here, aren't you? Far from your normal work. An excellent write, full of imagery and deep meaning...very thought provoking. The lay out is perfect for it, making it all the stronger.
Wonderful job, my friend.
Best to you!
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I stopped with thoughts in this write...I thought it was wonderful!
No changes what so ever....nice write!..
debbie
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One reviewer called this free verse. I don't think so, because I see the deliberate structure, the use of the page/screen as a concrete image, the isolation of the word "away". The poem is 100% image, and a simple one at that, expressed succinctly, and brilliantly.
You get three claps from just about the hardest-to-please reviewer on AP - me!
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WOW, I've never read a free write from you before - only rhyme. This is really good. You have me looking up the word 'substantial' to see how you used it and why you chose it. Interesting word here in this poem. This poem makes me think of someone that has passed trying to contact someone living. Like he still loves her and she just is oblivious to it. Anyways, that's my interpretation and I'm entitled to it even though I'm probably way off, lol!
This poem is so short but is probably the poem that I've read the longest and thought about for the longest tonight.
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wow, this is a great write you ahve here!!! Overall your alliteration are heads above all the rest!!! I hjave thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem of yours!!! Great job!!!
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I read through your words like the way you force me to stop the pauses the lingering thought .... what great imagery these few lines provoke in my mind. I am not looking to what you are meaning or if in fact there is a deeper one. I am going with the flow of the mood and enjoying it just as it is. Thank you for the pleasure
good luck in the contest
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Excellent
It took me a minute to catch the gist of this, though that is not unusual for me. The idea of not being in another's shadow, but being their shadow, of having a barely there existance only in their presence, I love it. Like having a friend who gets you invited to the right parties, only to be ignored when she leaves your side. Only this is deeper than that in a way I cannot grasp, because this shadow is cast "from the soft light illuminating your soul." This speaks of admiration maybe? Love? Something personal anyway. This is great work, I wouldn't change a thing.
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I see nothing wrong here, in fact i blieve this is a wonderful penning, it is short, but it conveys an emotion that most of us have felt at one time or another, and that brings the reader in , it connects us to you and your words we reflect and say ahhhh, yes... well done poet, well done
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Sighhh...Mournful...pensively beautiful, Rory...Ahhh, but Poet...Your light is much brighter than you know...I can see its illuminations from here...
Wanda
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How sad that a lover has to be chained to a shadow of another's love.
Bholzner
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loved this piece.
i'd actually have given it a placing. great words, short and sweet. i'm very glad i stopped to read. it was a pleasure.
j
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i will do constructive at another time...lol
this is well done, a very vivid image. -
Whoa... powerful...
My goodness you've written a lot lately...
This piece is just ONE example of why you're on my favorites list... this is amazing!!!
The thought in this... geeze... the image it creates in my mind... you've done wonderfully with so few words.. spoken SO much!!!
Best wishes to you in the contest!! This is worthy of a trophy.. a gold one.
~Melissa
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