We lay among the wide open spaces
as the air trickles a tickle
across our skin while flirting
with the warm soothing sand beneath us.
We watch the sunset
fade now into time
as if the last rose of summer
melted its beauty into beauty
dripping its petals upon
a sea of endless Tokyo blue.
The night rises becoming our carnival
stars are the lights twinkling
calling our hearts to a distant midway
where are hearts are forever free to roam
wide eyed with fresh cotton candy souls
while the waves spin deep fried
ooh's and ah's scuffling along the shore
like a phantom crowd forever laughing.
The moon arrives as I steal a kiss
from this love that loves
to calls me home
and it smiles upon us, gently.
As it to dreams the dreams
we dare to dream
within our hearts
that fly away
on the petals
of roses bloomed
that last summer day.
B.L.House 2007
A contest entry
- TAKE ME AWAY!!! by Whyitt U.
900 points, ended February 18, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Celebrating Valentine's by Heavenly Angel.
475 points, ended February 15, 2007, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Congratulations on your Silver...
We watch the sunset
fade now into time...
Nice phrasing through out, but the above is my favorite.
Buddy
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Yess.....very beautifully written!
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This is a beautifully written poetic piece. Well done and thanks for entering. There is a couple of typos..where are hearts, think you meant our...love that loves to calls me home, think you meant call. Very nice write!! Good luck. You also forgot to put your favorite song and the singer..one of the rules
Whyitt U xxx -
WONDERFULY DONE!!! You have done a terrific job on this piece. I really loved the images of your words as they were very descriptive.
We watch the sunset
fade now into time
as if the last rose of summer
melted its beauty into beauty
dripping its petals upon
a sea of endless Tokyo blue.
These seemed to do it for me. I have never heard the sky described as Tokeyo blue. Great work. Good luck in the contest. -
Beautiful!!! The images you allow us to see within this romantic write are beyond amazing~~~ I am so happy I read this!!
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good
Your discrptions are beautiful. I felt like I was walking along the shore with you. "wide eyed with fresh cotton candy" a very pleasant memory.
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very nicely written great job
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Wow! Truly beautiful and mesmerizing in it's flow. Love is so divine, when returned in kind, sorry got a little poetic there. Well done, my friend. You are a great poet. I think it is a typo on the seventh to the last line "As it to dreams the dreams..." Maybe As if to dream the dreams, not sure. Great job.
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Superb.......
Holy shit
Where did you learn to write....this is just beautiful.
When I was reading the last part I was thinking you could be a famous poet, hidden on AP
Keep them flowing...it's alway's a pleasure to read someone elses thoughts,dreams and wishes
XXJeannette
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Deserves a BIG sigh!!!
This was so sweet and romantic. A warm fuzzy feeling poem. Your words are so tender and full of love for a special msomeone on a summer day. You ending was beautiful.
we dare to dream
within our hearts
that fly away
on the petals
of roses bloomed
that last summer day.
Thank you so much Bryon for sharing this with us here. You take care my friend. Keep writing these beautiful poems for all to enjoy. Take care, Sandy
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This was good. Very good. Your sentiments were well expressed. The pictures you paint in this write compliment the story as it unfolds. Good work.
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Beautiful
You know I think this is quite beautiful
Loving, gentle, warm, and just so full of the essence of true, spiritual love! Sigh...
It's gorgeous! I wish you the best!
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