That which keeps me here,
reaps in me the benefit of breath
and depth is actually
nothingness.
Eyes closed to the sun,
I stir up the truth of all
days and ways of life and
meditate.
Thoughts effervesce to
nihilism as my mindspace opens
to the inner burn of
time.
With crystalline knowing,
I walk through my days, choosing
ignorance of the ignorant
graciously.
Perhaps you've seen me: the loner
in the food court, the wandering
mystery of woman and world and somehow
smiling.
I'll never let you know;
the heaven I keep that runs
deep, yet it's really just
nothing.
Author notes
For a contest.
License: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/48486219/
In a list
I encourage advanced critique.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is very...thoughtful. It's not quite solid, not quite fleeting; it rather seems like you're trying to flesh out a concept. Your imagery was vivid and you turned your phrases very well. I enjoyed this.
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Very good
I find hit spoem very deep and rewarding to read. You've done a fantastic job on thisp oem. I really liked this part of your poem the best:
Eyes closed to the sun,
I stir up the truth of all
days and ways of life and
meditate.
Thoughts effervesce to
nihilism as my mindspace opens
to the inner burn of
time.
With crystalline knowing,
I walk through my days, choosing
ignorance of the ignorant
graciously.
Excellent work. Thank you so much for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. kassie -
Good write. The last line was sort of a let down. Not great but very good.
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I do like the title it is interesting and drew me into your words. You have some vivid imagery descriptive fueled with emotion as you direction challenges thoughts laid down before me. I feel a contradiction of iam but iam not...bringing back to the nothing. Nicely penned I thank you for the read
good luck
. Rewarded 4
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I'll never let you know;
the heaven I keep that runs
deep, but it's really just
nothing...
This is a great picture of the muse dealing yourself with the concept of the life bringing the conflict of a person chasing this universl truth which is known as a gift unless it is proved and this has come out so beautifully...Indeed a great heartfelt and great work ...
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now, i have to say, this was a very enjoyable read!!! Overall, your thoughts and expressions as well as rhyme and meter and alliteration i found to be all on par with just having amazed me!!!
. Rewarded 4
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