Half full glasses left abandoned
With the tea not even cold
But cake that was always stale...
Blood stains on white aprons
Call for gloved hands grasping reality
To finally let go...
Crawling on broken knees
The queen and the beggar are finally even;
Both with their hearts falling from their sleeves.
Muffins still raw on the inside
(Much like the cook that made them)
Are devoured without tasting by a dying duchess
Who's so pale her skin shows all her secrets;
Written in a cryptic message of veins and tears.
Watch now as apples fall from the sky
like morbid messages in a bottle
That all say just one thing;
The End.
In a list
A contest entry
- Alicez Abode by MysticEnchantress.
500 points, ended March 9, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Blood stains on white apron, what a vivid image!
You take Alice and twist her so beautifully in your writes ... another mind blowing fabulous write
Congrats on the Gold this won
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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An interesting poem. I liked it
~kitten~
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The note made me feel proud because I was thinking of Alice also. I thought this was pretty well written and really creative. Message me if you want your score, make sure to message me. Thanks for entering.
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It's hard to understand the meaning behind this, I must say. The phrasing throughout is, nevertheless, very intruiging.
"Muffins still raw on the inside
(Much like the cook that made them)"
That's just... Very deep. Still, I had to read this once or twice over.
=]
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this is great, a disturbing poem of wonderland gone wrong. X
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Very dark and excuse me for saying this, unappealing. I liked the read, but the feeling it gives me is so opposite of happily ever after, more like, beware tomorrow.
Grim and listless.
Is there a significance to broken knees? Or just to say pain?
The food metaphors and apron and glove symbolism was well done, and woes be those at the top when this day comes.
Jim
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"Broken knees" is a term I have used before in my poetry and I find it to symbolise the inability to even crawl. "When you can't walk, crawl"? What can one do when they can't even do that?
I'm not sure how else to explain it...
Thankyou for another wonderful comment.
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This is a great write, I love how you say something and it ties into something else. My favorite lines were:
Muffins still raw on the inside
(Much like the cook that made them)
Are devoured without tasting by a dying duchess
Who's so pale her skin shows all her secrets;
Written in a cryptic message of veins and tears.
You tied the muffins and the cook together by disclosing their rawness. Great job!
~Snowfall -
Incredible imagery, and you can really see the influence; I got that before I even read the author's notes. Amzing write, and good luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
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Watch now as apples fall from the sky
like morbid messages in a bottle
That all say just one thing;
The End.
Truely an enjoyable write is here...
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OKAYYY WOW! I really really love this poem it is like nothing i have ever read, different. Keep writing you are amazing.
. Rewarded 4
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I really like how you us Alice she is so well known there is no need to explain her tale or those small details. The is a clever idea one I find to be refreshing...Your words then paint the picture in your mind taking us to the darker corners.You have a very good turn of pen and your lines flows to fuel the imagination. down to the ending simple in your face but the end is the end no matter
a pleasure ...good luck in the contest
. Rewarded 4
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Thankyou, as always, for your lovely comments, you always seem to make me smile.
Much love
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