Inside my head, you’re still very alive.
You speak repetitively from our past.
Years passing by, but you are never gray,
Never an old man; embodying your youth.
When will you die in me? When can I mourn?
Not just by forgetfulness, but in truth.
Dead for moments too short of my liking,
For your departing is awful relief.
You, the living eclipse within my soul.
Your heat that warmed, now only tortures.
Where only in moments of two short hours,
I feel cool shade, brief and liberating.
For in these moments, I can then let go,
As the earth can, upon the moon’s shadow.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
-
This is extremely deep and the rhythm and meter was very very good. Will need to read it again.
I know it is very profond and written from the heart.
-
wow, this is really good. great poem. i love how expressive it is and i really like the last stanza. keep up the good writing
-
Wow.. this was really expressive..You have such a wonderful way in do that.. It's like your being really blunt yet you put your words in such a beautiful way , that it's a piece of art..I loved the last two lines..
"For in these moments, I can then let go,
As the earth can, upon the moon’s shadow"
Well done..
Jetleena
-
Such a painful write, great poem. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
-
Very well written!!! You're great at expressing yourself... And this poem is one that in a way I can relate to... Great write!
*Amber*
-
I can't believe it! this is just what I was looking for,it's teh first poem that really fits in my contest, there were a few more, but this is exactly what I needed AWESOME POEM
good luck ^^ and thanks for entering
-
Wow, your pain and anger are just jumping off the page. This is very well written.
-
this is scary to read as i have so many so similar in thought. the more i read on here the more i think that perhaps i may not be so strange afterall. thank you for sharing this with me. viyanna rosemarie
-
I feel as though I have experienced more deaths than I have lives. Not that everyone once meaningful has passed, but in a way, at some point...departed...and in some instances...over and over again.
Inhale once, exhale twice...it isn't much of a life.
You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself through metaphor, I am always honored to read your words.
-
Emotional !
This poem really got to me straiiight in the heart. From the beginning to the end, my breath was slowly leaving my body, and i felt on such edge, but then your last three lines "I feel cool shade, brief and liberating.
For in these moments, I can then let go,
As the earth can, upon the moon’s shadow."
let me finally breathe, and I felt the poems true power.
brilliant. -
Powerful!
Wow, this one is very indepth, heartfelt, and can be read in a few different ways as far as meaning..But I'm quite sure I understand it well enough to appreciate what your saying. I love the fact that within your writes you are not afraid to let it all go, and let the ink flow from your heart and soul..Thanks for being you, I liked this one as well..Thanks for sharing, keep it up my friend!
-Timothy xo
-
Wow
I like this, it's really deep =] xx
-
You continue
to portray my life in all of your poems.
But I guess everyone can have a part in these poems, because everyone goes through it.
But still, they really remind myself of my own life.
I LOVE ALL YOUR WORK RI.
MAKE A BOOK OF ALL OF THEM.
LIKE A EMILY DICKSONS COLLECTION STYLE <3
-
this is very deep i like the symbolism between and eclipse and the poem it is very prodigiously presented.
Good luck in my contest.
OMG this is gonna be a hrad judging contest for me tooo many good poems now a -
Welcome to AP - you have been writing up a storm, and such great postings too. Great author page - liked the ppicture with the peacock as we used to raise them. They are such wonderful creatures - very protective, kind of like a watch dog really. Wonderful poem you penned here - some great comments already for this one. Enjoy yourself here, writing, reading, commenting, entering contests and maybe taking some classes from our great instructors. Have fun!
-
really interesting take on death. "For your departing is awful relief." you used really beautiful and eloquent language for this piece, i hope you feel better. x paige
. Rewarded 4
-
When you find the love of your dreams is the love of your life the two blend into one and there is never anyway to stop loving the one who took your heart the tear the sadness of the loss etched forever more in your heart..along with the good times, the fun the laughs and above all else the love. Keep those memories and celebrate their life is the wonderful message I take from your word. Thank you for the well thought out and crafted poem and the pleasure of the read.
. Rewarded 4
-
This is really deep. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you can never get over losing that someone special. It's always best to not dwell on them but, to keep them alive in your heart and mind.
Jeremy0826 -
-
We will always "dwell"
Thanks (Ah-gain!
) I like that I left it open enough, for it to be applied to a relationship w/a loved one, or a family member-that way, more can relate to that feeling of frustrated memories that always linger
*R
-
-
I sense sorrow and pain. This intrigues me. I love the line "For your departing is awful relief". Very deep and emotional.
-
i can really sense a loss in this poem, and i can identify. I really like it. It's so personal.
-
Good
This is very deep. I am not sure where you were going with this one but it very much reminds me of my father. He had alzhiemers and he had very few coherent moments in the end and then he was gone. Lost to his disease. This poem reminds me so much of that time before he died.
. Rewarded 4
-
Oh! I stumbled upon another one of your writes. This is really deep though. I don't know why it strikes me but it really does. Deep and thought provoking. This is really nice. Keep up the good work, Rianna.
Love always,
Kristen ღ -
Very good job....takes a long time even when the person you love is gone...still resonates in your heart & soul....
. Rewarded 4
-
a very nice poem. so full of emotion. I loved it it gave me goosebumps. (: good work
-
This is a very beautiful piece, the last two lines were very touching, alongwith the rest of the poem of course, but those were my two favorite lines... There was a nice use of words too not many people used liberating or embodying in their poetry, so your word choice made this all the better and the title is amazing, deep and truthful, nice job poetess
-
Amazing write well applauded
First of all welcome to our Family of Poets. You have mad a grand entry with this Outstanding write. Funny how the heart is even when one’s love is gone the heart still feel its present or holds those precious memories. I congratulate you on a beautiful write. (Lisa)
“For your departing is awful relief.
You-the living eclipse within my soul.
Your heat that warmed, now only tortures.
Where only in moments of two short hours,
I feel cool shade, brief and liberating.”
. Rewarded 4
-
I must agree with the other poets. This is a beautiful piece. I see you are new to AP. I look forward to reading more of your work. Great job and welcome to AP.
Soulful Woman
. Rewarded 4
-
I love and adore this poem, and I think many if not all the readers before agree that this is a very beautiful and well written and a well crafted poem. I like the rhyme and I love the alliteration. This is simply spectacular. I applaud you and I salute you for it. This poem has great imagery, so much description and details. Its incredibly good. you have terrific potential
-
Welcome to All Poetry
The heart they say is the seat of motivation, it is also the chamber where our emotions are stored. Memories can indeed be bittersweet, they can also be a source of encouragement and beautiful reflection. Sad to say when it has a negative reaction it mirrors that which has been the means of causing us heartache.
Well Done and welcome to All Poetry, I look forward to reading more of your work
~Katie~
-
Welcome to AP!
I felt this one...
The heart, a lot of times, doesn't let the memories die so quickly as what happens in real life; it can be torturous and bittersweet...I know
Thank you so much for sharing and welcome to allpoetry! I look forward to reading more of your work.
Adding your comment:
1 - 32 of 32
