Eternal Malevolence

My mind,
Turned to vomit, turned to rubble, turned to gruel
My thoughts, cannot escape them, cannot seduce them, cannot fear.

Controlling and contorting, maintaining and depriving,
They twist me and wrap around me and betray me at a glance.

No matter the day, no matter the hour,
Rest finds me an axe to the head,
A blow to the face.

I lay to sleep, and wake to see those I love
Being ripped from the inside out, burning,
Their skin rotting from some horrible disease.

I find my mother screaming, raped, ravaged and beaten,
My love running in terror, moments until they are ensnared.

But worst of all, amongst this horror,
I find myself, I am there
And yet I respond with little more than a whimper,
I can do nothing, beaten by a mere scare.

Running from my mother, running from my friends
Let them die and have their unfortunate fate,
I'm having mine and for that is all I care.

I don't want pain, I don't want hurt
With danger I do not flirt
With fear, no expert.

How can one know, when the mind seeks to trick
What is around the corner;
Eternal pain
Eternal torture
Eternal guilt.

My efforts are in vain,
Why try anyway?
My friends are gonna die,
Accept it with a sigh.

Your gonna go to hell,
Everlasting malevolence beckons,
Just to see the look on your face,
When hope turns around,
And bites you in the ass
"Hey motherfucker, I'm gonna fuck you up forever!"