Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Self Pity

Missing image

Self Pity

O how I wish that I had fled
Feelings and emotions left behind
Stayed too long in my lovers bed

All so my ego may be fed
Locked in the catacombs of my mind
O how I wish that I had fled

I love you and that’s what I said
Feelings and emotions crushed in kind
Eat my words wish I was dead

Love is a chapter in red
Laughing and crying left behind
O how I wish that I had fled

Loneliness is what I dread
I always knew that love was blind
Eat my words wish I was dead

Eat my words wish I was dead
A real true friend is hard to find
O how I wish that I had fled
Eat my words wish I was dead

 

 

 




 

Author notes

A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme:

aba aba aba aba aba abaa.

The first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).

In a list

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • rbruce gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an excellent, moving poem, but it is not strictly speaking, a Villanelle. Lines 1 and 3 of the first stanza should be repeated alternatively through the poem. You have introduced another line "eat my words wish I was dead".
    That being said, it is a lovely poem.


    • Amera gold member
      November 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You're right! I forgot I wrote this it was so long ago. It must have been one of my first attempts at a Villanelle. Thanks for the comment and the applause.

      • rbruce gold member
        November 12, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I was aware of the minor flaw as I have had two tries at Villanelles and have come up with two very nice poems. I may make it next time. It is a difficult form.


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    February 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautifully done, but unless I am mistaken, which I don't think from your explaination in the notes. The 1st and 3rd line of the first stanza should repeat throughout and they don't.

    You repeat the first
    "O how I wish that I had fled"
    but not the 3rd at all.
    "stayed too long in my lovers bed"
    Tis not correct is seems
    perhpas you changed it and forgot the first stanza?


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    August 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like it. The repeating verses seem like they belong where they reside. I'm thinking about giving this form a go.. I enjoyed reading you as always.
    Be Well


  • duana
    May 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love Villanellesa, and this is a good example of one. It's flow is really nice, and I like the phrasing you chose.

  • Ankeeta silver member
    May 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    uhmm after a long time i am reading a villanelle...its good to read form poetry..they are so classy...and u did a nice job here ...pretty simple words to touch anyone;s heart easily

    keep going
    A


  • PerVirtuous
    March 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I never commented on this one. Probably about time I did. We all have the gift of prophecy if we listen to ourselves. This is a lovely and revealing write about what befalls us when we let our ego run the helm. It is a beautiful and wonderful Villanelle, and I am thrilled with it. Three bunnies for this effort. It is a keeper.


  • Never Fall in Love
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm still very doubtful about this
    your write was perfect
    but
    where did
    "Eat my words wish I was dead"
    come from?
    i thought it was the first and third line of the second stanza that comes back in the end of every other stanza

    *thinks*

    NeveR ♥


  • thorlorn thanatos
    February 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    I didn't know what a Villanelle was but it's a good one.
    I like this poem, reminds me of a beautiful young person that depends on doing what they think is expected of them to show to themselves that they are accepted and can gain what they need from doing something that they may not want to.

    A good poem.
    Good luck
    Ryan

    • Amera gold member
      February 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. It’s one of the hardest styles to write. I makes you want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon. (smile) Amera


  • February 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    One of your best...

    This Villanelle is VERY TIGHT!! the aba aba aba aba aba abaa rhymes moves in RAPID FIRE... You can feel the emotion imploding within (in retreat) the last stanza is just the empty shell (an echo) of this haunting poem. This is one of your best! Bravo!


  • mysticstorm gold member
    February 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful as always. Your emotions run so deep in this write. I can feel then pain myself. How sad and true. Outstanding form!
    Best to you!


  • Lj-
    February 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is great. I don't think I could do a poem in this format of rhyming, seems difficult, but you managed to do to really well.

    I liked:
    "Loneliness is what I dread
    I always knew that love was blind
    Eat my words wish I was dead."


    Great piece,
    Best of luck!

  • Eulb kcalB
    February 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    breathtaking


  • And Hyetal
    February 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, excellent! I love all these amazing styles of poetry you create!!!

    Cassie


  • Fire N Ice
    February 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    this is sad, eligant and so beautifully penned.
    you write emotion into amazing poetry, and bless us with reading it.


  • Sacrificial Love
    February 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    YEEEEEEEEEEAH!

    You did an EXCELLENT job Miss Lady....

    Your choice of words amazes me every time I read you....

    Write on wordsmith

    xoxo
    Sahabah


  • blueyez
    February 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    eat my words wish I was dead is an amazing line! It says so much. This was a compelling write. Much props Amera!

1 - 20 of 20