when I am within the reach of arm
held close to suckle & sigh
it is enough that this mouth
that forms shapes to relate
only manages mellow
or high screech
beseeching
feed-need-feed
oh mountain high hello
welcome to wonder
whooshing warmth
in river's tongue
lap-land
land of lap
flow & flower
new born son
sees terra firma
in geography
of this station
& whoo whoo
signals
earth mother
birth mother
from iris
to pupil
in smiles
of eye
to eye
it is not
what she says
but the in
in inflection
of there there
& the vibrations
reach into me
in places
I cannot see
but know
are there
by the beat
of this
this urge
to never be
a-part of
anything lesser
than monument
of moments
shared
Author notes
NB Anonymous contest entry so please do not refer to my name if you comment.Many thanks indeed.
A contest entry
- Mother's Face, Baby's Face, Words in Between by PetrifiedAfforded.
1050 points, ended March 5, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest - Breastfeeding - UPDATE by Harlequin Bunny.
550 points, ended May 16, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is really beautiful, and artistically written. I can certainly see how it would win a gold trophy in it's previous contest. I appreciate the strong metaphors of nature and motherhood mingled together .. it's definately appropriate! Thank you for entering this!
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Oh, this entry is so beautiful and so creative. I love the way you have strung your words, especially,'oh mountain high hello
welcome to wonder
whooshing warmth
in river's tongue
lap-land
land of lap
flow & flower
new born son '
Congrats to you, a truly wonderful poem!
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your stanzas have one chip
Hello, because I can't judge yet, but keep greeting a guidin for it. I'm not at the level of just finding flavorings I like which would make my smile be the push for the finaliists button, when I'm weeding out what I don't want to reward. Yours is stalled from such installment because of "earth mother" since I think it carries a weird introduction of things to the natural freshness of your poem. So, now with me specifying this disturbance in a smaller comment, could there be some editing for the dearest finish?
I am with few opportunities to keep waiting by this date so pplease cooperate or I'll extend the contest I guess a bit more to ponder what answers I get as there are others with no adjustment. It must be due to the drawn out review, nothing mentioned stands out. If I were hosting another after today, I'd give two comments, one with dislikes over rule slips etcetera and the other some noteworthiness of what I'd enjoyed without it being able to be denied there are few other points or whatever, lol.
6:52 looked like 8:52 and I feel that one!
~Carolyn -
precious few needs
Hello, not casually, poet,
Thank you for entering... and having patience for my reading.
I appreciate your explanation for this TILED or AP uncustomized background being used, and I make exception since it isn't offensive to me and I don't want to be offensive forcing what doesn't seem feasible.
~~ Nurturing & Nourishing ~~ has a snugglers' language between mother and child that is even essential as title implies and poem emphasizes with "oh mountain high hello" as a call out wave for closer moments might be made and it wouldn't be tresspassing to go down past the shadow of the cloth on the chest. How I remember! I even napped and dreamt of it after viewing this fun reminder. [It was vividly flashbacking believable extensions with my current daughter, not what could've been with another infant as I'm so much more ready than for 2nd miscarriage.]
I suppose rhyme could be too interruptive for what isn't just entertainnment and may break the natural flow. If the usual tone isn't stemmable, then it's high strung and let down might not come for lactation to stay lifted, defeating any brightening effect... so not nit-picking as you presented a conversational picture.
The opening stanza had the deary acceptance of a baby's perception with how a reaching out doesn't get kicked out but can be "held close to suckle & sigh" which is not deflected to deflating as to then have a tear balloon. So, formations of this "mouth" are almost binary, on or off for "mellow" and "screeching beseeching" that doesn't need to wander from the soft switch with blinks under mobiles. This is how I felt when generating colors in closed eyes sunshine, having fishies of the tropics to go to in thought only though with the true heat obtained in a car on a shoulder, so it was all crib discomfort when I got out to cold otherwise. Hence the unresting satisfaction of "feed-need-feed" was not differently pointing out another moment with another moneme but momentum if we can see such things to be schemed together and thus not seen as forced rhyme but actually found in life.
The second description was a marvelous carving of experience with a physical biological feeling at home with breastfeeding, for lushness of growth to be found :
"in river's tongue
lap-land
land of lap"
that intermingled the theme of them well, as the folds aren't just of taking in food and neither by indirect pour that had to be warmed up but of the enrire touch of this parent. The "flow and flower" I took to be wending to the flourishing end, cheeks that can broaden as petals? Spelled as an English song makes its statement is your next line, so I'll consider even your context would say it this way in British.
The third part of your story's spurts that aren't spit out kept the motif of mother met by youngster :
"sees terra firma
in geography
of this station
& whoo whoo
signals"
that conveys, to me,the wide-eyed travel of love with the training 'on board' for occurence of cherished sights storied. They aren't collapsible by approachable schedule.
It seemed the natue comprison went to myth with "earth mother" inserted by "birth mother" since the planet may be said to have program behind it like this web site, upon which we can become poet with parallels of a created page, etcera spotted. So, if your point was a trend for teatment, is it by by means of creating and advantages for more?
The floral reference increased in strength with the irridescence of each other :
"from iris
to pupil
in smiles
of eye
to eye"
in a learning vocabulary of basics over attraction, to turn to someone even as one's world so to speak.
I understand it is ultimately never verbatim the ptority of what's brought out without the combination in mind :
"it is not
what she says
but the in
in inflection
of there there"
as it bearable when "vibrations" can be looked back as good triggers and not nonsense closeness. Childhood shouldn't be thought as what could be sugar coated, but truly with responsible tales, however. Yet, I do relate to the "in inflection" not turnining out something by rote but rather the earliest importance is the reported breezes having differences in their repeated times.
The concuision with the antecedeny of seeing things chisled by togetherness per se, it a stone not just of now but written sort of, maybe even standing for values shared and how they can be evaluated. Life embarking. And it entails not being worn out not being not wanted, but put big for communication or over, not just streams of crying Not a talent to be yelled at.
I enjoyed this relaxed write, with a little too lax said. I look forward to see if you agree for adjustments before judging... which needs to be soon. I apologogize being a slow poke in preparing the reads.
Please, if you feel you'd like to reply besides editing with the few suggestions among what made me a grinner, then give me more author notes. Thank you for not replying to anyone via the click on this page until competition's end.
1:45 an avocado may not stop my voice,
Carolyn
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the maternal bridge between child and mother is so perfectly defined here...the transfer of need and dependancy, and the feeling of safety is conveyed so easily from writer to reader..i was calmed when reading this..and basked once again in the stolen memories of early motherhood..thank you !
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Sounds of nature do not hurt the ears. It gives us a renewed spirit throughout the year. BHolzner
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Beautiful, this bought back lots of memories of my little boy... you do have such a way with words...
Karen -
a truly great write, very sweet and well expressed, a poem to be proud of.
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Great Write
I really enjoyed this write. I am taken back by your words. I hope to read more of your work as soon as I can. Great Write.
Luke -
You have so much talent, dear. (Wow, I almost said your name right there, lol). But you've shown so much beauty in what you would think to be just a simple act of nature. But, in reality, this becomes a complete bonding experience between mother and child.
You had me hooked from beginning to ending.
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that opening stanza is a delectable opening for what follows
elaine
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