Affection For Death, Part I - Futile Rage In A World Full Of Hate
The TV screams of violent scenes
Where blood mixes with rain as it flows down the streets
Of pointless wars fought in lands off afar
Where terrorists plant bombs, to blow up children, in cars
Of bullets fired through flesh and through bones
To leave children without parents, distraught and alone
Of the orphans who are forced to pick up a gun
To fight each other in a war where no one has won
Of the ones who are left to fend for themselves
Amongst the rubble, the dirt and empty tank shells
Of the ones who have fled to run for their lives
Who have lost brothers or sons, mothers and wives
The continual savagery of the human desire
To be on top of the world and leave the rest burning in fire
Who cares what the cost, who is imprisoned or set free
Because out there in their eyes the end justifies the means
Author notes
This is just the first part of a poem I started to write..but it was getting very long and I didn't want to lose people's attention so I thought I woulc cut it into pieces and serve them in bitesize chunks. I hope you find it thought provoking
*freedom warriors*
Option 16 - Society (if you liked this poem tell me and I'll send you the link to the four others if you want)
ilovethomix
Lycan Lore, wholesome whore, bretheren breed, bloody bed!
In a list
- I. Affection For Death [An Epic Of Wrong] Parts I - V • next in list
- VIII. Trophies II: Bronze • next in list
- VIII. Trophies I: Honourable Mentions • next in list
- VI. My Favourites • next in list
A contest entry
- World of War by Lively Matter.
1200 points, ended April 15, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Cries of Society by bloved.
450 points, ended July 11, 2007, 29 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life isn't everything, Death isn't nothing 1000+ point contest, LOTS OF OPTIONS!~Still open!!!~ by Soten-Jaganshi.
1100 points, ended September 7, 2007, 62 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Just the first part of a series
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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hi, im using your poems for a school project and i was just wondering if i would be able to have your name for proper referencing, thanks.
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George Mirams
By the way often the poet's name is near the top on the right hand side with the little copyright logo next to it
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This very good point! I love it! ^_^
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Intriguing write ...
and I certainly agree with your premise. This could be fixed up and be a much better poem, but the idea is certainly right on, and your heart's in the right place.
The problem is that this is rhymed free verse (see rules). All the good intentions in the world can't fix that. It's hard to read because the meter is so far off in the lines. I don't mind a little variation here and there, but there's so much variation that the poem is hard to read.
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i certianly want to see the rest of the links!
I don't think this is too long heh 23 line is nothing compared to some of what I've read.... beyond such though, this was AMAZING, great write!! thanks for entering my contest! -
This was very very "thought provoking".
You didn't loose my attention...made me want to read more...
This is actually what I wanted to read...great topic you choose...war is a horrible way to disput world problems
Thank you for sharing and good luck
Bloved
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Thank you for your wonderful comment and applause x take care and good luck hosting your contest x
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nice write, it was thought provoking, its sad that that happens every day, but from the stories Ive heard most of the men and women who went to iraq are glad they are there, getting to help those kids and people so that things like that don't continue happening, any ways great write and thanks for entering. - Jacen an IndvidualEleven.
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this is very good and deep write, the opening of this poem is very powerful, the first line is perfect.. the rhythm and flow are a bit off here and there and the rhyming seems a litle awkward in places too.. but otherwise a great write with awesome wording.. I love these lines the most...
"Of bullets fired through flesh and through bones
To leave children without parents, distraught and alone
Of the orphans who are forced to pick up a gun
To fight each other in a war where no one has won
Of the ones who are left to fend for themselves
Amongst the rubble, the dirt and empty tank shells
Of the ones who have fled to run for their lives
Who have lost brothers or sons, mothers and wives"
In the second line of the second stanza, I don't think you need 'in a war' I really think saying 'to fight each other when no one has won" flows better, and you have already given the idea and vivid images of a war anyway, so I really don't think you need state it there that it is a war... a good write, great imagery and a wonderful message, well done!!
thank you for entering my contest and good luck..
peace and light always -
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Thank you very much for taking the time to write such a detailed comment I am glad you liked it and thank you for the tips, I will check it out when I have a bit more time! Good luck with your contest and take care x
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Fantastic. How fitting that I'm currently listening to the Carpenters' song, What The World Needs Now... Hehe This is very well written, great rhyme scheme and powerfully said. And so true! Thanks for your entry in the contest.
By the way, I am now the judge for this contest; my brother's been sick for a lil while and he just asked me to judge this. I'm hoping to get it judged today. Thanks for your entry and your patience! -
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Thank you very much for your comment and good luck judging the contest, I hope you're brother gets better soon! Send him my regards . The Carpenter's...they sound familiar...but I can't quite place them...ow well. Thanks again and take care x x
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Bravo! Awesome write! I liked the 2nd stanza the best. I do agree with The Existentialist, You need to consider looking at the rhyming, It was a try though and that counts... This isn't a perfect world Thank you very much for entering and good luck!
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this was awesome. but again, consider looking at the forced rhyming issue.
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I am exceptionally glad that you asked me to read these. Because for all that it is rhying, you have the talent to make it excellent. More than that you have the talent to make the reader FEEL. Which can sometimes be a surprising hard task. I'm off to read the second part
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Daaaang. I love this!!! Sure, it's the traditional life-sucks slash modern-society-sucks thing, but it's done so well! It's sad and it's done really well. And it's a good thing you've cut it into parts, cause it looks like it would have been very long. I shall valiantly comment on every one, because that's how much I believe in this epic! I adore this. I'd totally applaud, but I have no points left for that. So I'll just applaud on the last one, kay? Kay. Great job!
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Thank you again! And dont think you have to comment on them all, reading them would still mean a lot to me! Yes it would have been about...80 odd lines eep o.o. Ow! And dont worry about not applauding! Hehe you dont even have to applaud on the last one, save your points for a rainy day eh?
Take care, thanks again, your comments are truly lovely and inspiring! x
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Normal service resumed!
"Top draw anti-war" good write my friend, all the words are true, and put down really well. Great last line. I will go through the others steadily.
Very good, but not as good as the England win over the Aussies!!!**!!+-==!!!****_&&&^^^^$$!!!!. Yessssssssss!! Have a good day. WASP.
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