I watched you through the window
The four of you were smiling
bonding together
Sap from wounded trees creating
A new family,
Once just twigs as I am
Scattered and broken but
Now united,
One tree relishing new roots.
I watched you through the window
But I couldn’t come out.
Author notes
" =(^.^)= " Option 1- metaphor
A contest entry
- A metaphorical message to the missing by Dienush.
750 points, ended February 19, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life is a Metaphor?? by WhenWillsCollide.
300 points, ended April 16, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1st Round: Anything you want......:D [[Closes in 1 hour!]] by xox-lankan-xox.
450 points, ended April 18, 2007, 171 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any suggestions for a new title? All comments welcome
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
nice metaphor. I am sorry taht I havent time to coment because my contet ended and I really get to get to the last entries! D:
-
This is a very emotional poem. I like the tree metaphor very much and the ending is very powerful. Thank you for entering.
~Diana -
I can see that I am not the only one who can write in a metaphor. I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to read one of my scribbles...Wattle is wonderful about pointing people in my direction, and more often then not I find the people he has sent to me have amazing talent as well. This write works beautifully, despite is very sad meaning. Thank you for sharing with all of us. Kia kaha,Rox
-
Terribly beautiful.
-
I can certainly visualize your imagery and tie it easily to your metaphor, which is clear, built and completed well.
This is a sad topic, which unfortunately, minus a dead father, that all too many people can empathize with.
Also, the metaphor used is open ended enough to apply to many subtle situations for every reader. Thanks for sharing and good luck.
jim
-
Wow, I think you did a great job with this. Kind of sad with a lot of emotion. Great work here and thanks for sharing this!
Jeremy0826 -
Wow, I think you did a great job with this. Kind of sad with a lot of emotion. Great work here and thanks for sharing this!
Jeremy0826 -
Sad and haunting, but with a trace of hope at the beginning. You lined a black cloud with silver, and I must congratulate you on this, for that is very difficult to do. Though short, this poem made up for it in sheer awesomeness. Very good, and keep the title as it is!
-
wow
i love the whole wording of this. its so well thought out and filled with emotion and the ending just added to its beauty. i love it sort of sad twords the end but still very well nice job! i loved it.
Once just twigs as I am
Scattered and broken but
Now united,
i love thoughs lines. they are just very powerful and meaningful to me good job.
♥
sam -
OMG what a brilliantly penned piece of poetry. I have read this a few times as it stands then i took the pleasure of allowing my own thoughts run through and who in my life that twig represents....lastly i read it with your author notes fresh in mind....this poem speaks for itself
I wish you well in the contest but to me this is a winner no matter what and I thank you for the pleasure
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
