Ashes in the crystal ashtray,
scattered like me.
Black Umbrella resting by the fireplace-
raindrops condensing...
like memories.
What is the significance
of the rainbow?
Who knows...
A contest entry
- A metaphorical message to the missing by Dienush.
750 points, ended February 19, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is exactly the kind of poem I was looking for. You have showed emotion in this very well. You don't need to actually say it, you show it through suggestive images and the poem speaks volumes. The ending is very well thought-out. Thank you for entering.
~Diana -
I like the longing here. I only wish you'd left out the last line. It seems to me to soften the tone. You're missing someone and can't reconcile beauty with that. No need to deflect the emotion, which I think this last line does. Otherwise, this is a moving piece.
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short n' simple, nice piece
-lys
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Super job of the metaphors with descriptive verse....Good Luck~~~
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