Across woods of thrash and chill
I tripped on barks of your love
And indeed I fell...
...fell into the film of
your soul
Green trees of calm and still
tried to hide a blush of pink
and like a deer
I quenched for what it held
like cool banks you rested below
the quilted sky of calm shades of pink
and that’s where I found your body
That’s where I found my love
My true love
Your breath marveled
me, the breath of my thirst.
----In jealous sighs I watch the air as it
ran away from me.
I couldn’t adjust to your love
I never saw its face
but I knew it must have been beautiful,
as beautiful as you
Like liquid shapeless
your love took form within me.
With my voice
infested within yours
my voice ran into the waves
of your most saddened breath.
I sought for the ears
-the ears of your quiet soul.
I wanted to take a moment
With your beautiful soul
A last reply to your questioning
Eyes of "Who are you?”
and indeed I spoke
spoke as I tried.. As I tried...
but your soul gave no to me
and as still as the moon
as it fears the tempered night
my soul gave still to another love
(because of the love that didn’t want me)
Author notes
option 2
In a list
A contest entry
- Come on Teenagers by Reptile Lady.
525 points, ended December 7, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
-
"couldn't adjust to your love"
that is my line of the day! loved this! great poem and i wish you good luck in my twin's contest. Merry Christmas!
~Dommi
-
"I couldn't adjust to your love"
Wow, you have a good way of explaining your emotions without directly saying them. Great use of words and wording and nice flow. Thanks for adding this to my contest. -
Congratulations
Thank you for entering this contest and I am delighted to honor your words with this HM
Julie -
Amazing
This is truly a wonderful poem.
You have shown so much in depth emotions and the words you have used create a masterpiece.
Well done and thank you for your entry
Best wishes
Julie -
this was soo sweet i enjoyed reading it...its sad but i thought it was very good.
please put which option you chose(you may be doing that now)for i dont want to have to DQ you.
thank you for entering and good luck in the contest!!! -
"and as still as the moon
as it fears the tempered night
my soul gave still to another love"
I love those lines. Also, the ending line just made me feel your pain. I think we all know that kind of feeling. It's tough.
I like the combination of imagery and the story in this. You really made it unique. Great job! -
With my voice
infested within yours
my voice ran into the waves
of your most saddened breath.
I sought for the ears
-the ears of your quiet soul.
I wanted to take a moment
With your beautiful soul
A last reply to your questioning
Eyes of "Who are you?”
this was my favorite part. i really loved this and thanks for sharing. -
Wow, this is beautiful! Very awsome, I love it good luck in my contest!
-
AAAAAAAAAAAAh, this just touched my heart!
-
great
thanks for your entry and good luck in my contest -
The Rhythm Hit Me
I really like your play on words; your flowing style and visuals set a very nice pace for me. You succeeded in leading me through a thoughtful maze w/ broken symmetry. "I tripped on barks of your love
And indeed I fell..." ha.ha. Nice. And now the title caught up w/ me (or I caught up w/ it). I don't know where you came up with, "In jealous sighs I watch the air as it ran away from me", but it works well. I will look for more of your work and I wonder how it compares to this piece from you. Thank you.
-
I was very impressed with your write! The images that came to mind were outstanding... your choice words to give your penning a "dark" and "sadden" feel was perfection. Also, I felt a little Poe and your writing, whom I absolutely adore... great flow as well... all the best in the contest... Your talent shines poet! Annie
-
-
thank u
-
-
Absolutly wonderful. No joke. This was so sad..and yet so beautiful at the exact same time.
That's what a true poet is all about. 
Awesome job. Keep up the great work!
Tori
-
I fell into your pond of love,
But you took your loving liquid and ran for the hills....
Quite a sad one but enjoyable to read.
Too often this happens, a pity when emotions are not returned but still...
...still there is one for us all...
somewhere...
Beautiful and heartfelt.
Jeffro -
This is a really good poem--it has a certain quiet sadness within it. The only thing I don't really like is the repeated use of the words "Soul" and "Love"--when overused, they give the illusion of the writer sort of going in circles. But you have a lot of emotion behind it, and I really like it
-
nice write. i loved the way you started it off. you have a nice way with putting words down on a piece of paper. you did a great job with this and i have to check out more of your work when i get the chance. return the favor.
~Dani~
-
-
thank you
-
-
wow
I'm speechless....
but in a good way
-
Ver well written would love to hear this spoken aloud.
Very much so...would like to feel the emotion spill from your lips..
Man the imagery caught my eye..this was definitely a spoken word choice to be said among an audience...good job yong soldier
-
-
thank u!!! Kevin 1
-
-
wow
that was good very very good
-
Different. Very different. What be yo inspiration for your poems?
-
-
life, relationships, school, nature, and things i see and watch u?
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 24 of 24
