Her beauty was magnificent and real;
lips, luscious red would torment him each day;
breasts, full and lifted were tempting to touch;
her jeans fit perfectly, showing each curve.
Each day, he hungered for her taste within;
his mouth watered with each sway that she made;
his hands, itching from desire, grew numb;
he grew hard with anticipation's tease.
OH! How he wanted her, needed her too;
his body boiled from the lust within;
his eyes grew red from the view he would steal;
his feet... they walked right over to her house...
Fulfilling fleshly desire complete;
his wife's heart broke the minute that he came.
Author notes
I READ THE RULES
and her heart still breaks....
thank you for reading me.
A contest entry
- 7 Deadly sins by shattered logic.
505 points, ended March 16, 2007, 34 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
You're lucky
that spelling isn't one of the Seven Deadly sins!
magnificant = magnificent :-)
Just roughin' you up... congrats on the trophy. The reason I stopped by is that there's another 7 deadly contest at http://allpoetry.com/contest/2376672 and it's taking prewrites. I'm not entering, but I thought you might!
-
wow
I just came along to see who won the gold, and I must say I'm impressed! you are truley deserving of this trophy!
good job
~Mary
-
Congrats on the Gold I loved your piece great job!!!!! Thanks for entering my Contest!!!
-
wow- have you described the reality of adultery, and the deadly and horrible effect in one sentence- simply amazing.
-
oh god..
this was fantastic...
"Fulfilling fleshly desire complete;
his wife's heart broke the minute he came. "
wow...how could someones hurt sound so beautiful??
lovely.
♥
-alexsis
-
Well done
This sonnet is quite skillfully done. Very erotic but not too erotic. I think you might want to fix the perntameter in l.10 and l.13. Other than that this is a perfect piece and should be a winner! Love and hugs
- jo
-
i love this piece except that is strikes a raw cord with me and it hurts, but pain is good i guess....it's so real it's like reliving a bad memory. wonderful write !! You did such a wonderful job with the imagery and going to the edge, but not too far : ) just enough to get your point across. Ugh, lust... what a dreadful thing. And what it does to others.... that numb hand might have been better cut off.......... but i can't go there ...
again, great luck to you in the contest - i did love the write
dragonfly
-
Wow, this was well done, very graphic yet discrete, you captured lust in a great way, it was visual and well worded, it was very a very powerful write you did a nice job and i like how you ended it good luck!!!!!!!
-
Excellent!
A very interesting and creative piece you have written here. Poor girl, so heartbreaking to see the one that you love just walk right out of your life right before your eyes. Lust can be very deceving and pull you in when you least expect it. I love what you did with this piece.
Great work with this one. I had to read it again to understand it fully. But, I got it! lol The imagery and descriptions in this are great!
Thanks for sharing this piece here and best of luck to you with it in the contest my friend!
Jeremy0826
-
I think that this shows the love for his wife and the closeness they have and she cries each time they are together from passions sheer bliss... well written and sensuous but tasteful in this light very good
-
-
Oldcoasty2
well, i got booted from the first reply i was trying to leave which is probably just as well as i was venting about cheaters. this write is from a personal experience in which my heart still aches because of the betrayal. nothing good comes of that UNLESS the cheater realizes what he/she did and can somehow convince the broken to accept the glue which said cheater is trying to apply to fix that heart. but cheater has to realize he/she was wrong to start with and then be compassionate enough to try to make ammmends.
sorry... this is a touchy subject.
-
-
Interesting twist..assuming I understand it. He is cheating on his wife?
A decent piece you have here. I liked this line the most "his hands, itching from desire, grew numb", there is alot of darkness in this poem, and the man you write about is almost unnerving. Best wishes
-
-
Child Of Water
yep--he is cheating on his wife. i am glad that you got that. thank you for reading me. viyanna
-
-
A very exciting, well worded piece of poetry my dear sis, you created the moment just right...Thanks for sharing, and I like the b/g too, pen on, and all the best in this contest!
-Timothy x
-
-
poeticweaver
again, what background do i have now. HHHHEEELLLLLPPPPPP!! i am either and am not seeing a darn thing that you are. my b/g is showing nothing but darkness. if you really love me you will come help me see what it is that you are seeing. like what are the main colours. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPppppppppppppppp!!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
