She goes for days,
Without a bite to eat.
So weak from starvation,
She can hardly speak.
Complexion fading,
Happiness lost.
She'll be thin,
At any cost.
With each pound dropped,
She hopes he'll look her way.
"It'll happen...
Maybe just one more day."
Then one day soon,
Turns into five.
She's losing her will,
To stay alive.
Ribcage showing,
Her eyes sunken in.
She keeps up this fight,
The one she can't seem to win.
She can't take the hunger,
Or the pain inside.
She eats and she pukes,
And starts to cry.
The months with no food,
Are taking their toll.
Her body's shutting down,
Because of their voices so cold.
She falls asleep dreaming,
They'd see the beauty within.
But she never wakes up...
She lost to the fight to be thin.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Now Im positive, you are a truely talented writer!!! I think it is so hard for poeple now days to not want to be so thin, its crazy too cause the people you see like large couples, they seem so happy. I donno but this poem had a great point that you made oh so well.
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She's losin g her will, - space there looks like it has accidently been pressed.
ah, sadly this seems to be the case for many in the world, thinkign thin is beautiful, down to society saying it is so. a good piece. -
So tragic what you write about in these lines - the need to be thin at any cost - even death. Liked the rhythm and rhyme, the flow and the sad message you convey here. Easy to read and understand.
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Wow this is an intense poem. I think you might want to change the last line of the second to last stanza. I can hear that the speaker is distant from the girl in the poem, is it a tone of disgust, or disdain or pity? Its hard to tell. Read it out loud to yourself. The rhyme scheme is that of a nursery rhyme and yet the poem is dealing with a very serious subject matter. It is very blunt as well. Yeah I'm being blunt to I guess. Sorry. The poem really touched me. In a bad way. I guess you could say I've been that girl at times in my life. The poem reduces a very complicated issue into something like a weakness, or a silly little thing to gain boy's attention, which it usually is far from the truth. Yeah so this turned into a rant... Well you get props from me for getting a really big emotional response from me... That doesn't happen with many poems I read.
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I hope this isnt you! But any way i love this poem and its ryme! I know someone like this and it really bothers me. I think this was good and i like this line:
But she never wakes up...
She lost to the fight to be thin.
Keep writing~evilsss~
(i would applaud it more but i only have one left
)
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wow, this is an intense poem with alot of meaning behind it. this is a real life poem to some. it's so sad but yet, it's reality and it happens in life. no one should have to fight for their life just because they want to be thin. perhaps your piece will send a message across to those that would die to become thinnier. this is a powerful piece and you did an amazing job writing it.
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Great
Wow. I have very personal experiences with bulimia and anorexia so this poem really got to me on a deep level. You're right, it really is a fight. Luckily I had friends and family around to help me get through and overcome. Your poem is very beautiful and very honest. You are a great writer. I will definaetely be reading more of your work in the future. Thank you so much for sharing.
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Exceptional physical descriptions of what happens with an eating disorder and the ultimate price one has to pay in the end....sad, but all too often so true...great flow in this...
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This is a very good poem about a very sensitive and sometimes overlooked problem. Alot of people pass off anorexia or bolemia with the attitude that people who hurt themselves over low self realism and low self esteem can help themselves. Its sad really. Your rhymes were spot on and the content was great. Great job on this poem.
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