There is a place where the trees meet the sea
Where waves lap the sighing feet of the pines
Where billows suck at the evergreens' knees
A son of the woodland walked by the brine
And there met a daughter of the sea swells
Who gave her heart to the wind's keening whine
He made a vow he would take her to dwell
Deep in the woodlands to see sylvan grace
So her heart would come to lie in those dells
He brought her to the shady arcane place
Where clovers blossomed and bluebonnets grew
And the moss hung from the trees like green lace
But she could not brook the cold drops of dew
That dangled on the grass shoots during the morn
Or suffer the waning morning star's hue
Her light eyes came to be pools of dark scorn
For she had seen stars that danced with soft glee
In the thousands and millions where she was born
And so she came to despise the green trees
Author notes
username: Ontarah
Evil angels are the best. Option 1. This form is called terzanelle and the point is the repetition of rhyme though it's usually written in iambic pentameter.
It's about my parents and the setting is eastern Texas where I grew up if anyone wants to know. My mom is from Baytown near Houston and my dad is from deep in the Piney woods in northest Texas.
In a list
A contest entry
- Pre Write Contest by SensualWhispers.
615 points, ended March 15, 2007, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For the nice people of ap.(strong language) by Floorboards.
600 points, ended March 17, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forms/Dirty Pretty by the evil angel.
400 points, ended May 10, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I'm thinking a no on the terzanelle. But this poem is beautiful. I love, repeat, LOVE, your imagery. You have quite a way with words. This is a great poem that really grabs AND keeps my attention. Well done.
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 9.85 – Love it. Very appealing visually. I’m sitting on the fence as to whether or not I’d click on it, so I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt
Poem Flow: 9.5 – Nice flow, except you have 3 lines, which are 11 syllables: 2nd line in the 5th stanza, 1st and 3rd lines in the last stanza.
Depth: 9.35 – Lovely depth and power behind your written words. Great word choices!
Emotional Impact: 8.75 – Loved this!
Spelling and Grammar: 10 – Great job!
Punctuation and Caps: 7 – Punctuation may or may not be used in a Terzanelle. However, your caps are way off, thus the docked points.
Presentation: 3 – ouch. Sorry. I’m not familiar with this form, so I looked it up on Shadow Poetry. This isn’t even close to a Terzanelle. See below for an explanation on what a Terzanelle is.
Personal Appeal: 9.5 – Despite it not being in the correct form, I loved this piece.
My score: 66.95/80.00
Taken from Shadow Poetry:
Terzanelle
The Terzanelle is a poetry type which is a combination of the villanelle and the
terza rima forms. It is a 19-line poem consisting of five interlocking triplets/tercets
plus a concluding quatrain in which the first and third lines of the first triplet appear
as refrains. The middle line of each triplet is repeated, reappearing as the last line
of the succeeding triplet with the exception of the center line of the next-to-the-last
stanza which appears in the quatrain. The rhyme and refrain scheme for the triplets
is as follows:
1. A
2. B
3. A
4. b
5. C
6. B
7. c
8. D
9. C
10. d
11. E
12. D
13. e
14. F
15. E
Ending Type 1:
16. f
17. A
18. F
19. A
Ending Type 2:
16. f
17. F
18. A
19. A
Each line of the poem should be the same metrical length.
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very good, i can't possibly comment on the form as i know nothing of it, but i can tell you some of the imagery is amazing, quite a sad write i feel.thanks a lot for entering and good luck to you,
floorboards. -
Very nice
Excellent form.. excellent rhyme.. beautiful imagery and an amazing word choices you've chosen. Excellent work. Thank you so much for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kassie -
AH yes
i even like this beter now, thank you!! -
OOPS
forgot to say thank you for following the rules and instructions and forgot the applause as well, my bad, its still early for me lmao
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Thank you for your contest submission. This is a very touching write, although I do not know that I would call it "deep and dark" it is certainly a bit sad. As for the Terazelle, you did very well with it except for one part. In the last stanza, I see you chose the ending option of FAFA, however, you repeated the word sea, rather than rhymed it. I can see how rewording this line slightly to change it would be a simple thing to do, keeping the exact same sentiment within that line, in fact, almost the same words, simply rearranging them. Aside from that, you did extrememly well for a first time, and look forward to seeing you do more with this form, perhaps another, shorter one as you prefer that, to go in here as well? Just a thought! Best of luck to you in this and all of your contests!
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Excellent
This is such a wonderful poem...you succeed in transporting the reader into a beautiful wonderland. Every line oozes with the beauty of Nature. It fills one with longing and makes us want to live in such a world. If only it would exist...your imagery is wonderful. What choice of words! And what a wonderful twist at the end...the lady is not happy even as we are looking for a 'happily ever after' ending. This bowled me over! Maybe you could try thinking of a sequel to this one. Marvellous. Good luck, God bless -
Oh, it is a very good poem, I just wanted a 'happy ending'. But I did like the poem. Very good use of words and imagery.
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