the setting sun
lowers itself silently
slowly
below the ocean rim
a flash of blue light
dipping
into the sea
I reach for your hand
a seagull cries
above you
the cold wind
pulling away
we walk on
the wind and the waves
our prints
erase
~r.
All rights reserved,
© February 2007 R. Braley
(astralshepherd)
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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AWW This is true bliss.....
I was there, I could see and feel this wonderfully painted canvas. A wonderful picture, with sound effects to boot. You are highly talented my friend......
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x
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This put me right there. The sights, the sounds, the sensations on my skin. You did an incredible job on this piece. And it's brevity gives it an enduring impact.
Crissy
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To walk on wind and water ...
is the most wondrous way to describe our spiritual ability to transcend that which is temporary ... and to surrender to the vastness of cycled expansion. Within our awareness of the great beauty of beginning and end and End-Beginning, we may walk away towards infinite merging with Him, our everlasting Sun.
Loved this, Richard.
Thank you.
Myra
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Beautifully done, it left me with warmth, but a sadness that our footprints were erased. Great job .
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Well, you haven't lost the ability to leave me awestruck with your poetry, Richard. This gives me a feeling of two souls walking along the beach hand in hand throughout eternity. This write just gives a very peaceful and serene feeling. I love this.
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Being a lover of sunsets and oceans this was awe-struck in my soul...yet you leave such a calm, quiet., peacefulness to it...love that last line...almost forgotten but NOT! great imagery here....good job...best of luck!
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beautiful and brilliant
wow! leaves you breathless for the beauty portrayed in each line - almost as if you walk lightly over every word so not to disturb the calmness and peacefullness of it. I know that probably made no sense what I just said but translated it means I love this work of art!!!
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Ouch. Write for the Reader? Never, actually only once have I done that, but it was more a release for me. And I got published for it.
This is great, I especially loved "our prints erase" sounds to me sort of like a time forgotten, or being on it's way to be left behind.
Excellent work,
Good luck in the contest!
Jailah. -
graceful
I do love this one. Your style is very captivating. Your Words Flow. I think that people often feel the need to hold on to someone because they feel they could be possibly erased. But this also screams that you are walking away from something you thought you had but when you longed for it you found it was gone being erased. I may be wrong with interpretation but its a wonderful write.
Allie
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This is a very soothing poem. It makes me think of all the tender moments me and my husband have shared in our 33 years. The scene you have penned is lovely. I am a fan of sunsets and yours is described elegantly. I also love the water, it is replenishing. This poem makes me think of my youth. The nostalgic nuances bring forth a gentle sigh. Absolutely beautiful my friend. I wish you well in this challenge.
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
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the sun and the seagull open vast distance
while the hand reaches under unwound wind
and the sea sweeps shore
and beautiful joining
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Easy to visualize this along the beach as sun is setting. Easy to read and understand what ayou are saying in these lines - liked the brevity of the lines and the flow of the poem.
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Beautiful !!!
I love this. It reminds me of how simple things can be so beautiful in one moment and bittersweet in the next. Like the waves in that ocean on that beach.
These are the type of poems I love to read.
Thanks for the great read.
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I love it
There is so much spoken in this poem yet it is so simply and delicatly done. You didn not draw it out and beat the idea to death. You simply gave it life and let it grow in the readers mind. Very good a beautiful poem it reflects your talent well! Good luck in the contest.
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This is a poem to make the reader think. The thought of one's footprints in the sand being washed away makes one think that all reminder of who they were and where they had been was washed away. It almost paints a bit of loneliness as noted in the phrases speaking of the sun lowering, slowly and silently... as if nobody even notices but ahhh... there is one who notices... the seagull flying above and he notes your presence in the natural caw spewing from his tiny throat. A small but ever present reminder that you really aren't alone and no matter where you are there are unseen eyes watching you, noting your actions and reactions. You have put a lot of thought into this Richard and I enjoyed reading it immensely.
♥ Touchof1der
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Wonderfully concise poetry where each word counts... Such a beautiful scene you've painted here...a moment that makes itself sit in the reader's eyes. There is a sense of loss here, but somehow also of closeness...
~ Nicolette
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This is so delicate and peaceful, there is a lovely spirtuality here also. This little poem says so much in so few lines and it is structured nicely. Even though it is small, I can assume that this took some time, deep thought, and patience to complete because it is so finely tuned. Absolutely beautiful work and good luck on the contest. By the way thank you for your comment on my poem "The Smell of Old Books", it is very much appreciated.
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In this sweet simplicity, you created a beautiful impression. Your language and imagery were excellent. The image of the footprints erasing with the waves is sad yet so beautiful
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Lonely...
I find this so sad, Shepherd. 'Blue' and 'cold', may be where I find the seeds of this feeling. It is simple and lovely, but so lonely. I remember a few walks on the shoreline myself watching the waves wash away any trace of my presence, you have evoked these memories here. Peace to you, Rhonda
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This is beautiful, I love the simplicity of this piece.... with such wonderful imagery... I hope this does well in the contest
Karen -
This poem uses simple language to convey deeply poignant thought, and as such works very well with connecting all walks of life to understand the message "that our presence here is brief and it's not what we do but how we conduct ourselves that will be the only thing left behind".
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that's really pretty
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A very simple presentation, yet deep in content. It really said alot in so few words. A great piece. Good luck in the contest.
Soulful Woman
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well done
a minimal style here and yet effective in creating a place to see and events to experience..very skillful
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well written
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