Drifting in and out
Of conciousness, barely awake
The pain shook her
Made her cringe and writhe
She felt herself slipping
Falling through darkness
Landing in a pit of flames
Which licked and hacked at her soul
Her heart beat fast
Then was torn in pieces
Her lungs wrenched from her chest
And hung out to dry
Gravity pressed
Crushing what was left
The darkness invaded
Drowning and choking her
Needles hammered into her skin
Making their way up her spine
Her bones being pulled out slowly
And used to beat her over and over
She felt the chill of death dash at her
Icicles piercing her face and neck
Her muscles contracted
And gapping holes were gouged into her chest
Then her heart stopped
Her body tensed and
She felt no more
Then her eyes opened
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Wow. That was...graphic. Business first, though! You missed the 'e' on 'spine,' 2nd line, 5th stanza. And I think there are too many ... in the last stanza. But I really liked it! Very vivid, and excellent word choice. It felt like some of the lines were a little off of the flow, though. It fits in beautifully in your series, and I'm excited for then next one to come!
Adding your comment:
