In The Loft Space

Dearest  Lady Lay,
                  down you were knocked, bold as bell of brass you got up & rang again.Ding a ling a ling, the same tune made tall of the small child yet the taller you grew the smaller you felt,busied the day in bee of honey dripped from lips & in wiggle of hips to say honey I'm home-yet Master Bates was always in two minds-neither of them held debate except in palm red-across anywhere for bitch stitch this & across derrier with frisson feathered there.
        The guilt was gift wrapped to self,you gave willingly of all the keys to all the boxes that you had compartmentalized starting once upon a time leading to the here you go and to and fro you ping ponged from table to the tennis scored one love.This trophy love that weighted self of mantle shelf with the shhhhhh of shame & the re routed blame of the "b"  caused you to be lame.
    But you let him in the front door,didn't you learn from his-story before or before that rat a tat tat meant you  prayed to more than your God but to every God to hedge what no bet would cover.Haven't you always reminded sisters and brothers to be careful what wishes are used for in case they come in true blue?Yet you only wished for a sieve,with the folly of the foolish heart,you prayed dear Gods,let us sieve the good from the bad,oh to feel like spring again instead of recoiling from inside out and outside in pain that no painkillers touched sides.
    And here you are,inside looking out looking in & not even a poet laureate could paint pretty of picture mosiac of boxes that have been broken open & abandoned carelessly as crashed car that caused this whiplash & your hide has leathered, cracked open to the elements.

Healer,heal thyself, you are your own greatest challenge as you in your honesty cannot deny,you stopped walking the walk & talking the talk but curled  in the emptiness of "s" shape on one half of the bed & when the space spilt waterfall of tears you placed his pillows there for creature comfort like the hurt child,the tormented teenager,the battery of wife & all of you fused all over again.
   
    Choose then,choose which cd you want on repeat forever & ever amen,is it back to bedlam or is it I will survive? You know you are fast becoming the "I"  in hypocrite,happy painted face & telephone voice pleased to say am fine,listening to long roads others take & giving them directions when you,you have lost your way.

  You have a large teapot & pour tea liberally into other cups, ensuring you remind them of their personal responsibility to please mind the leaves,yet you drink
coffee constantly & wonder why denied of sleep,if you were really awake you'd spill the beans & they'd stain unless,unless you mop them up right away.

Ok,Lady Lay, are you going to wait for a referee or go blindly into round three or better yet,find the length of strength that you had so many,many times before & re negotiate on your terms for what you are not accepting again?
      I cannot say I forgive you or him, but at least I understand you & where you have been & that's a start to  head in the right direction girl,good luck & remember your own advice,
                        love & light,
                                    Yvette x