Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Holy Grail

 

 

Raise this goblet

crystal shards of self deception,

your holy grail 

another evening,

another night of spilling red

on white linen;

 

 

pregnant salute of mercy,

lips smiling,

porcelain eyes do not cry;

death sheds no more tears

and you can hide in this stale fog

of exhaled nicotin and every starlet perfume.

 

 

 

Not that anyone would notice anyway,

crucified sacrificial lamb; regurgitating,

vows and promises

glitter and glamour;

shine this needle just one more time

and rise, hide in these cold folds of emaciation;

life is a four letter word,

and death comes easier

on just another night

of hollow promises

and imitation dolls on a shelf

of long ago splintered wood

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • briareus gold member
    February 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Skillful portrayal of a downward path, with themes and images from the Gothic past woven into an alluring, believable decadence, with many interesting conundrums of 'what is...?' I always look for the dark poems by those of sunny disposition -- glad I alighted on this one.


    • cherche -d -ame
      February 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so muchYou picked up and were able to isolate quite a bit out of this write...note: I really am more of the "sunny disposition" as you mention, and "dark" is merely a small percentage of my scribblings. But I guess now and then even the "sunniest or most cheerful" do step there. However I can not do it unless provided with a visual first. Thank you again,
      reenie


  • pattyann4500
    February 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is quite dark! Very well structured, flows easily, but very sad.


    • cherche -d -ame
      February 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thanks sweetie. Now and then I venture a bit to "dark" in a write, but you know as well as I do that in real life I usually manage to chase it away
      much love
      xoxoxoxo
      reenie

  • 12-gaugegunner
    February 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This has an eerie feel to it. I loved it. This was my favorite:

    "life is a four letter word,

    and death comes easier

    on just another night

    of hollow promises

    and imitation dolls on a shelf

    of long ago splintered wood"


    • cherche -d -ame
      February 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for stopping by to read this. I just tried to imagine a scene that seemed close to what was asked for in this contest....lost souls seduced by what they believe to be "glitz and fame and glamour"
      reenie


  • Umi Juvariel
    February 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Such imagery to be found in this work. I was captivated from start to finish. To keep my attention that long is rare, but this piece managed to do it. I loved the flow of theme and how you kept it without digressing, and yet kept it layered just below the skin of the poem the whole time. That made this piece truly unique. Great write and good luck in your contest!


    • cherche -d -ame
      February 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for this comment. I appreciate the intensity which you put into reading through all of the layers,
      reenie

  • Anno
    February 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I Loved it.

    I loved the "spilling of red on white linen", quite an awesome visual, chilling and scary at the same time. I really enjoyed the last stanza, maybe that's because I'm depraved but it was really an amazing visual. Filled with death and decay. The irony, I always felt in the passion story of Christ, is that it should have an age restriction warning, it always reads like a horror story to me. Those feelings definitely come across in your poem.


    • cherche -d -ame
      February 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you. I had to smile at you labeling yourself "depraved" Just wondering what that makes me, as I am the one who wrote it. And I agree with "the passion of Christ". Extremely intense with images that might leave a young audience with feelings and visuals to haunt them,
      reenie


  • sandgoddess
    February 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a captivating piece with unforgetable images:

    '...you can hide in this stale fog
    of exhaled nicotin and every starlet perfume'

    I think you may need a space here:

    'lamb;regurgitating'(L 14)

    good luck !

    hugs,
    rachel

  • Rowan gold member
    February 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "another evening,

    another night of spilling red

    on white linen;"
    Such a captivating stanza. Leads the leader into this dark write wonderfully. This is really good, my friend. I love alot of the phrases and metaphors you used to create this. Excellent.


    • cherche -d -ame
      February 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you. I appreciate your support, especially since this sort of dark write is more of an experiment for me. I usually do write more about the "bright side of life" even though aware of the "dark"
      zzz
      reenie

1 - 15 of 15