There is the realization:
when the heart is guarded,
love locks down the garden
dreams portray the impossible.
The wind pours off the mountains
becomes lost upon the sea. Waves,
their infinite caress, hide the treachery
in the blame of the next storm. Until
then, the sands erase all the dances,
the joy slips away on gull’s wings.
She pulled me in on the sighs
tangled teases of spring breezes.
We tried the ripeness
each others wines. Drunk
we slipped through each
others skin. Meaning created,
prying back shutters, tearing
shadows, to fall still upon the lips.
My heart beats
inversely.
I breathe
into a vacuum.
We laugh.
I never stop
living. I don’t
know how. I toss
bottles, diaries encased,
out onto the black quantum
your memory.
11:25 PM
02/07/07
Alexandria, VA
Author notes
This is not autobiographical. Blame it on a contest title.
In a list
- Plain Jane: Adventures in living • next in list
- Hands on the heart • next in list
- If I had done as I was told, look at what I would have missed • next in list
A contest entry
- Ends When It Ends...II by FindingFate.
300 points, ended February 11, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Another masterpiece from the masters pen
When the heart is guarded, love locks down the garden dreams portray the impossible.Wind pours off the mountains becomes lost upon the sea. She pulled me in on the sighs your memory heart touchingly beautiful
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Very lovely. You painted a scene of softness within my mind. You pen of moments like I only wish I could. Simply stunning... Thank you, Trina
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Just speak from the heart
Listen closely, try to keep it simple. Really, it is all that I do. Love, Tom B
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Strong Positive Words to Fit
the contest. You created a very heartfelt concept of a relationship ending. Yet she's engraved upon your soul, like the breath you breathe. I love the idea of being drunk on each others nectar, slipping or sliding..it make me shout out "He's done it again" another beautiful prose....novy
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This was lovely penning and had such a sensual soft tone coursing through it, a pleasure to read this evening, with online issues...it is nice to be able to catch up on some reading. Wonderful work here
~Tia
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Smiling.
slipping into each other's skin... love those blurring of boundaries... if you believe the theories of quantum physics, it's all possible.
Cheers!
best of luck in the contest.
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Tom,
I forgot to add something here!! I think that this is is a glimpse into the shade beneath that sensual tree of beauty. I like that you have showed me another side of your many talents!
Mel
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very good
i was drawn by the title
and
i liked the way you versed nature
to enchance the real beauty of plain jane
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WOW This is really good and really touching. I love the way that you put your words into meaning. I don't think that there isanything bad with this peice t all you did a fantastic job. do you think you could write another one like this
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I like the way the shape of the poem hints to longing. There's a lot of exceptionally good imagery with the ocean and the beach metaphors. "We tried the ripeness each others wines. Drunk we slipped through each others skin." I love these lines, very sensual. It's an excellent write. I look forward to many more. Kudos
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Wonderful writ. Call to mind a few vivid images.
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All things seems to flow together for the sake of life--the sea a metaphor for never ending change and the elemental storms of the heart, that are sometimes tsunamis. But the mountains and meadows still own their place in the spring when the heart beats outward again, colors splashing like patchwork to dispell the darkness.
Tom, your writing is evolving wonderfully. You manage to put epiphany even into breakups... perhaps where we need them most.....
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That was very nice. The flow is consistant throughout with wonderful images. My only complaint would be to add a little more puctuation to make the reader pause and reflect on what you are saying.
Keep writing. -
this is beautiful..this takes me into the vacuume..to that point when we reach the highest level and time seems to just stop still, the whole world diapears and all is sureal and two come down to eath between a sigh and a tear, beautiful work..many will read and find their own meening,this..is mine...GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST
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Sensually Beautiful!
Does this ever speak to my spirit. I often think on myself as "Plain Jane". You made magic with these words my friend. They spill from your pen to the heart of the reader. You always do that, you know. This is a lovely work of word-art that should be framed and placed on the walls of good lovin'. Exquisite. I wish you well in this challenge.
Always ♥
Renee
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The words tumble out from the page portraying one amazingly beautiful play happening before my eyes.The imgaery fills the senses as the escriptive emotions grip the heart strings and pull and tug at them into submission of what the dances delivered in the promises of what was *rose through to those two words in the ending and that is what lingers in the minds of the readers....memories. well crafted Thank you for the pleasure
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I love the freedom of this piece. I enjoyed each and every line of this mirrored piece!!! AWESOME!!!
Love,
Mel
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DON'T LOOK ETHEL!
This holds an underlying lyrical sense. It stays true to never quite being rhyme which adds to the story, both on its surface and also within its message. Two messages contained within, one being how relationships which one wishes for are often dissipated by outside forces or our own check with reality. The second and deeper meaning is of poetry itself or any shared passion. How we so often know the passion exists within us but find it so elusive to share with another. Finally, we do find another or others to share it and an euphoria enshrines our soul, becoming its own fodder. We then, embrace it with abandon, sometimes becoming careless with others to the point of neglect because we are living solely for the passion. WOW, wish you had penned this for my contest!! theheheh I do hope to see an entry from you my dear. Though how, you and I write is different, I believe our souls reside on the same plain. Nicely penned!
~*Starr*~ XXXXX
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This is brilliantly penned, I could feel the emotion pouring like fine wine from pores of love... well done and goodlcuk for the contest
Karen -
I don't know what to say about this, it sounds so sad, so lost at sea, An ocean that keeps you apart and you try to toss away the memories but can't quite do it, for she left her impressions deep in your soul.
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I enjoyed every part of this Tom!! It rolls with the waves in the love it holds within it..."She pulls me in on trhe sighs tangled teases of spring breezes." Beautiful..
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a contest theme yes
but the skills and writing techniques come through and they are excellent so I look forward to other writings
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a contest theme yes
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Excellent !!
Wow! Everything about this is just wonderful! I love the background, the wording and every line!! As I said before you are truly gifted!! one can only hope to learn from reading your beautiful writes!! Thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece! Good luck!!
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This is not so bad sweety. It is a brilliant write. and the fact that trying to write something actually made you write something else.. is really a good thing..I usually try to write something... and just simply can't.. so Kudos to you sweety!!!
Good luck in the contest... I am sure she will love it!!
~Krys~
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Whoaaa...
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wow!
your poetry is always so beautiful...
I love that...
It is hard for me to write anything that isn't pretty...It just doesn't seem right
WIth your poetry, I never have to worry about leaving without a sigh~
Another lovely write, Tom...
Lynda♥
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