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Trying'sNeverEnough,Dollface.

I Have Been [TRYING]
            A While Now.

I've::
        hidden lunch money                                  (but it just comes right back)
        promised myself {{NO}}                          (but i won't listen)
        hated&&whispered&&bled                      (but the pain is never enough)


&& Everything I Do
            There's an excuse
            As to //WHY//
            It won't work.



i don't want
      'v^oluptu//ous c~urrv~es'
                                                      (because they're just two more words for [FAT])







the other girls are __flat







                                                                                                so what's wrong with me?
                                                                                       

Author notes

Blehh.

in rs today, we were doing death [yipee] and there was a bit about a priest. every cremation ceremony he did, just before the coffin disappeared, he would touch ever.so.lightly. && he would say::

'this is not ____'s body in here. this is just the home they've been living in.'

i don't believe in god, i don't know about an afterlife, but for some reason.. that's so true.



that had absolutely nothing to do with the poem. but i just like that thought.







[[bytheway, i fucking hate myself
&& it's not going away]]

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Comments


  • sweetpearl
    February 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "hated&&whispered&&bled (but the pain is never enough)"

    --aw, this is hurtful. Your author note was interesting and then the end was just horrible. I know what it feels like to hate you who are. I hate who I've become. There are days it feels worse than others. I can't tell you to not hate yourself ... you have to say it and believe it. I can only hope you find your way.

    "i don't want
    'v^oluptu//ous c~urrv~es'
    (because they're just two more words for [FAT])"

    --it may be but the outside is nothing. You will only glow if you're beautiful on the inside. Try and keep your head up ... you are a wonderful writer and if you need a starting point at where to start loving yourself ... you can start there and be sure of it.


    • ohemeegeeay
      February 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      The thing is... I'm not sure of it. i'm barely sure of anything anymore. everything seems empty, hollow.. the sayings people pass as compliments, they're impossible to believe, because i can find any&&every reason not to.

      but hey. that's my own, screwed up mind's burden. i don't want to bother you with it.

      thanks for the comment, sweets.

      Noise&&Kisses


  • Love of a Bullet
    February 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The idea that you hate yourself comes through loud and clear in this piece.

    My suggestion? Try Atkins... its worked for over a dozen people I know.

    Of course, once you drop the weight, you'll have to deal with the real problem - and man is that going to suck.

    Good luck in your future works. :-)


  • makeout kid
    February 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    i don't want
    'v^oluptu//ous c~urrv~es' (because they're just two more words for [FAT])
    the other girls are __flat


    love that.