Everytime I begin to trip and stumble
You're always behind me making sure that I don't fall
You are the one that supports me
When nobody else notices at all
When everything in my world seems to go dark
And I weakly search for the light
You're always there with extra batteries
To make my heart shine bright
When you hold me into your arms
Sometimes you feel the trickle of tears
You just hold me tighter and tighter
To block any insecurity or fear
Sometimes I want to escape from life
And sometimes I'm not sure
But you always caress and kiss me so tender
That a simple touch is my cure
And when I see your smiling face
Your happiness transfers to mine
My own sadness is shattered by your joy
Always in the last tick of time
But sometimes you aren't by my side
And you aren't there to hear my cries
Sometimes the thoughts in my head scream
As flames burn in my eyes
When you're not there to protect me
My own inner demon comes out to play
So when you left me and said "we're through"
I couldn't help but beg for you to stay
You left in such a hurry
You couldn't stand my hurt anymore
You were tired of feeling so down all the time
When you couldn't stop my pour
So I was left alone in my mind
Fighting each insult from within
Battling my mind over and over
"You will not win. You will not win!"
Minutes later, tears escaped my eyes
Trickled down my face and dropped to the air
You weren't there to stop their splash to the ground
Just because you simply didn't care
My mind began to taunt at me
"He doen't like you. You're not loved or wanted"
After hours and hours of agonizing teasing
My mind was freightenly haunted
After what seemed like years with no end
I had finally had enough
Screaming at my own reflection in the mirror
I screeched "I GIVE UP!"
Searching for a stronger escape
I instantly found a blade
I whispered "I love you" as the razor went into my arm
and the room began to fade
Repeatedly I felt the warm, moist kisses of blood
I lost all control and hit the floor
Suddenly, realizing what was happening,
I didn't want to feel the pain anymore
My bloody hands reached for the phone
I dialed your number, and waited to get through
Finally I heard your angelic voice "hello"
And I whispered my final words "I love you"
After only 20 minutes you arrived at the scene
Unfortunately, too late
Seeing my mangled body on the floor,
You were the first to witness my fate
With an angered face of love and hate
You threw the room about
Not knowing what at all to do
Except for letting out a shout
Finally realizing that I was gone forever
You laid next to me with the bottle of pills
Gently kissing my forehead, you said goodnight
And placed your hand in mine as our bodies lay still
"I'll love you forever and ever, "we'd say
But we never knew how quick it would come to be
Still, all was perfect on the day of our deaths
Because I was next to you, and you were next to me
Author notes
It's not really what I want yet...it still kinda seems out of place, but I wanted to show the love the two shared and how it got shattered and went bad. I don't know quite how I'll change it, but this is not the finished project
Part of it is true as I felt this way before with anxiety attacks on top of a horrible break up, and I did try commiting suicide. I did not go through with it though. The ending is imagined. I wanted it to be kinda like Romeo and Juliet...I don't know if it's the best though.
UPDATE: 2/9/07
okay, I revised as much as I wanted to. I couldn't take out anymore. I love description. I did realize that too much description cluttered my poem and ruined its flow. That's why I changed a few lines. However, even though I'm happy with the poem and love it, I think I say the words "after" and "realize" too much. I might make minor changes again in the near future, but for now it's as good as it's going to get. Thanks for the compliments etc. I love them!
~jessica
A contest entry
- Love is the slowest form of suicide... by Yours-To-Have.
500 points, ended March 22, 2007, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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i love it!!!!!!
i love this poem it makes me think about my boyfriend and my love for him -
Trust yourself
I think you should trust yourself alittle more. When you write a poem it's whats coming out of YOUR head. Don't try to revise it because you don't think someone else thinks it's right. Your heart, your words.
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Beautiful! I finally got around to reading it! haha! It is very good! You have random punctation sometimes and it bugged me a little. Random commas are weird things. I liked the flow. Good rhyme. This is suppose to be anoyimous to me, but your name is plastered everywhere. Be careful about that. Very stong and good luck!
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Reply to babemaid
Thanks! I know I'm crazy with commas, I like to put them places (like I just did) when it should really be a period. I'm bad with run-ons. sorry. Anyways, what do you mean by my name being plastered everywhere? Aside from that, thanks for the applause and comment. I'm so happy that you FINALLY read it! lol. And umm...hmm...I kinda thought it might be a good one for you to read since you're feeling down and all. I want you to know that you're not the only one that feels this way and I'm here to talk anytime. Thanks again and best wishes
~jessica
P.S.- You're a loser.
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This piece is very deep and well written. It had me wanting more...I tend to get lost when reading poems sometimes but this one kept me holding on. Keep up the good work
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Reply to Ricca
Thanks so much! Yeah...my bf hates my suicidal poems because he never wants to imagine me doing such a thing, but eventually he gave into me and read this one. Half way through reading it, I thought he'd say he's done and want to get over with it. When I asked him if he was done he said "no" and said it was actually interesting and addictive. lol. So I'm glad that the suspenseful quality captures more than just him. lol. Thanks again, especially for the applauses. Best wishes
~jessica
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Truly Sad
Such a wonderful rendition of new age romeo and juliet... yet so much pain and emotion to find that part of this was true is deeply sadding to my heart... I only hope you see what a talented writer you are and I pray for some sunshine to enter your life and warm your heart.. Hang in there it does get better...
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Thank you semperfimom39
Thanks so much! It actually did get better, this is based on an event that happened in a severe stage of depression and everything was going wrong. I was getting anxiety attacks, my bf dumped me, my grades were dropping, and I attempted suicide...everything just seemed to go bad. But I am a whole tons better now. I'm going back out with my bf after patching up a bunch of misunderstood things between us, my grades jumped back up, I sought counseling, and my depression died away. He is truly my sunshine. He lights up my world even when it's too dark to see. I love him so dearly. I know I must learn to become less dependent on him, though. I shouldn't let one person come between myself and my own life. It's hard to overcome. My mom says I actually love him TOO much, and I've been doing research on the idea, and you actually CAN love someone too much. It's weird how love can change a person. Hopefully, I'll get the strength to completely heal and regrow, but as for now, I am satisfied and happy as ever. Thanks for the comment and concern and sorry for making this so long. lol. I just wanted to be clear that I'm okay now. Thanks again....
~Jessica
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hang on
cuz u deserve more -
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Thank You All!
Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment my poem! I really appreciate all your support and guidance! Thanks again!
~jessica
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ok ill admit it i cried
omfg! god that was good! from love to a break up to death to love all flowing with great imagery so freaking moving!! wow i loved it
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as to the writing...
a very talented writer... there is a mood of sinking emotions after and emotional high and the rollercoaster ride is well done.. the graphic acts are too well done... the writer takes a view after the events are all done... so the writer's voice lives on.. a hopeful thing here
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Wow...reading this is weird..I mean it's a realy powerful and great write...but I also wrote one like this. Not exactly obviously- they didn't break up. If you are interested at all it is called What It Takes. I love it when poems display what two people will do in the name of love...too late or otherwise. Good write.
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Reply to SorrowStone
Thanks for your comment. I really like your opinion. I will check out your poem. I'm really interested to see how similar they really are. I will be sure to comment as well. Thank you for taking the time to compliment my work, it's greately appreciated. Thank you and best wishes
~jessica
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wow...dats about da first poem dat actually made me cry...lol...but i loved it!!!
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Reply to darksecrets10
Thanks for your imput. I love it when people take the time to leave a messege, even if it is short. It means a lot to me and is greately appreciated. Thank you.
~jessica
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when did you post this?
*scrolls up*
ohhhh ... 41 minutes ago
i was gonna be really upset since i saw no comments
oh well .. i'm first !
lol
this is just too awesome!
i love these lines
"I'll love you forever and ever, I promise, "we'd say
But We never knew how quick it would come to be
But all was still perfect on the day of our deaths
Because I was next to you, and you were next to me
but i have something to suggest to you
yes .. im a critic like that
the rhyme was good .. i cant expect anything
but you have to check the length of your lines
some are short, some are long
and girl, if you can fix that
you'll bring competition in this contest for me
not finished?
i dont care .. i like it
let me know when you're done
~* NeveR *~
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Reply #2 to Never Fall in Luv
I just edited my poem. I think it's as little description as I want it to be so...this is the final project. I love it and I'm happy with it. Hope you enjoy my minor changes. Thanks again
~jessica -
Reply to Never Fall in Luv
Yeah, I noticed that too. Some lines I wanted more description but they turned out to be too long. The more times I read the poem over and over, I realize that I may not need such description. I just wanted the reader to feel the same mind state as the writter. According to you, I did accomplish that, so maybe I will shorten a few lines. I can't do it now though, I have to finish geometry homework. I just wanted to see if I got any new comments...which I did! Thank you! I will be on later tonight and will try to fix it up with finishing touches and such.
Thanks so much for your comment and applauds. I really appreciate them a lot!
~jessica -
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The change is awesome
It really did make the poem better
and the flow is just great
amzing work
good luck in the contest
~*NeveR*~
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