Descended from my soul’s resurrection
Springs my life alight,
Yet sorrow may have come to be
Torn from childhood to discover the hatred allied
I disguise myself from people’s lies
And played a game of my destiny
Within the rains, we see it all
The truth, the lies and the blood-fall
My destiny rolled on to six
It pulled out aggression of my body
Of what it is a fixture of another abundance death
As he was my devil, my love and hatred
That had thought that he should end it
My depression glides through the corridors
Of a pathway that leads to Heaven
But I lay here bleeding from my wounds
To the opposite of what I am feeling today.
Time that initiates my mind with sorrow
Gusted through miserable tears
I am happy that He was the one who ended my life
Towards the Heaven’s gateway to paradise.
Author notes
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- SOME OLD COMMENTS -
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elizabethdc3 comments:
(October 24, 2006)
Jane, you do very well with poetry. I do like it, and I do not normally read the more depressing items. I would only suggest that you watch word choices. The choices here are good, but in poetry, less words are given to make the image in the reader's mind. What I mean is, if you want a certain image or emotion felt by a reader, then be as precise as possible without leading the reader. Here, you have managed that.
Here, though, watch your tenses. Tense works best in poetry if it stays the same throughout. In your poem you use disguise, then you switch temses and use played. It would work even better if the verbs were all the same tense.
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Broken One comment:
(October 22, 2006)
I can't wait to read more of your work. It's all very good. Keep up the good work! You're a really good writer!
~~Jigsaw~~
(applauded 3)
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JRAs Gurl
(October 14, 2006)
- GREAT -
omigosh Jane this is really good i really like it. Keep up the good work. Can't wait to read more of your work
-Dawn-
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CollisionofYourKiss
(October 10, 2006)
Love it!! very nice!
(applauded 1)
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