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Will You Marry Me?

I can picture us now...
Me in a long black dress
You in a white suit
Both of us standing before our friends and family

You'll take my left hand and place a ring on it
I'll take a knife and carve out your heart
The room will weep for our love

I can feel it now...
The heat of you last breath on my face
The weight of your dead body
The smile that will come to my face

Joy will bring tears to my eyes
Fate has brought us together
And love will kill...you

So go ahead
Ask me that simple four word question
I have the answer
Ready and waiting in the kitchen drawer

Author notes

I hope that enjoyed my poem...oh and here- "I can't help it, I love monkeys!" Even though I really DON'T love monkeys...

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • twisted poet
    February 10, 2007

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    well..its a black wedding on her..u tried to be so cruel in your poem..i liked the way the poem went by..good luck in the contest..and keep writing


  • One Eunique Pixie
    February 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    This is exactly what I was looking for in the oxymoron kinda way. It was hard to descride but you fround a way to define it here. The line "Joy will bring tears to my eyes/ Fate has brought us together/ And love will kill...you" I loved this part. I wished it would have been a little more "egdy". You seemed to be playing it a little safe with the death, and mayhem, but it made it a softer poem, which I liked. The fact that is not freeverse could do you some damage, but all in all this is a great poem.

    Good Luck in my Bloody Contest!
    Love and Peace, Charlene.


  • midnight-lily
    February 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome poem and I agree with "NooNiThEWitcH"'s comments about your mistakes in the poem.

    But overall it's lovely.


  • NooNiThEWitcH
    February 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I loved it and it made me smile. I like how you reversed the clothes
    Made me wonder, why do men wear black on their wedding day?
    You have a couple of typos like in: "They room" You need to remove the 'y' and in "The heat of you last breath" you need to add an 'r' to 'you' to make it 'your'

    But seriously, awesome poem. And good luck in the contest. Keep on writing,

    Nooni (I usually leave roses, but not for this poem or contest )

1 - 5 of 5