Devil’s Thoughts
Being banished from heaven
Because of god's creation
I swore I would take revenge
And poison the human nation
Walking amongst imperfect souls
Their every thought I corrupted
I led them to sins and vice
All their good deeds - interrupted
Easier said than done!
Creation loves creator – feels fidelity
I started questioning my powers
I started feeling caution, then futility
To my amazement, man went insane
He started hating… fighting
With no help from me and no support.
To watch him change was so exciting
He became greedy...
He started tyrannizing and abusing
He forgot who his creator was
His power and his life – he began misusing
He says I am creating evil
He blames it all on me
Compared to him I’m an angel!
And the ultimate evil he will always be!
So why was I banished after all?
Because of a nonentity that is dire
Because of a treacherous creature?
Or maybe something that I now admire?
Author notes
As I believe... The devil was an angel once and when human was created he disobeyed to bow to human and then he was baned from heaven... it's a long story...
Don't Be harsh on the comments though... say the truth but let it be gentle...
A contest entry
- 7 Deadly sins by shattered logic.
505 points, ended March 16, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Galore and Nothing More by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended February 22, 2007, 70 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Angels [&&] The Afterlife by Death of the Author.
1200 points, ended May 19, 2007, 40 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Culture: Religion, Society and Politics by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 86 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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You have spoken the truth, whether anyone chooses to belive it nor not!! This is a thoughtprovoking poem and you deserved to win the trophy!!!
GBY
SilverButterfly
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Now, I do not believe in all this god/devil stuff as a matter of fact, but I must admit that I found your story telling enchanting.
It also made me think about how the very nature of our god and our supposed relationship to him as sinners (we are not worthy) is perhaps the heart of the devil. I think you touch on this thought when you compare the devil to the human activity.
In general then, I liked it. It flowed and had a good thread.
Thanks... -
Nicely done with this write. It is a good read. Everybody has a right to believe what they want to believe and no one can say anything different to that. Best luck in all you do in life.
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It was good, and it's not often that we "hear" what the devil thinks in such straightforward terms; but I do think that maybe (just my opinion now) you were trying so hard to find rhyme that you might have thrown the beat off a little bit. Also, it doesn't feel like the poem was conluded, it just kind of ended.
BUT, I do like the poem, and it was nice to read something fresh.
good job!
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This is good. I like how you wrote it in his perspecitive... I like it... (I know I spelled perspective wrong, sorry... don't feel like fixing it... lol) and yes, the Devil was the most beautiful angel in heaven... until he decided he wanted to be higher than God... that's when he was kicked out of Heaven. You did a good job writing this... it deserved gold... congrats on your HMs... Keep up your great work!
Crimson -
I liked the 2nd and 4th stanzas the most, even if it's not quite the story that I'm familiar with . The poem read and flowed really well though, an interesting read.
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First.... congrats on the two honorable mention trophies. I myself am not TOO familiar with this story.. I know bits and pieces... and what South Park has told me. (Which is a very education show sometimes)
Well.. nice write. Keep it up.
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wow i loved it, it felt real and true, i know the story your talking about, i have read it as well, and believe it as well. Great poem, excellent perspective. Interesting to think man was able to (on his onw) turn bad, or greedy as your poem says, not exactly what i believe, but then again, to each his own. It sure puts a different perspective on life when you think, hey this thing i'm doing to be irrational or hurt another person, it is making the devil happy'. Doesn't really seem like somehting you want to do after that now does it? I really loved your poem the strength adn the rhyming was phenominal. Great job, very smooth and vivid!! Keep up the great work and good luck in all the contests!!
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What a great opening stanza! The power that emanates from your words holds the reader in rapt attention. Nicely done.
♥ Touchof1der -
I can say the same. The first 2 lines got my attention right away because i'm drawn to evil and dark things. I beleive in somewhat the same thing with Lucifer once being an angel so I hear what your saying with coming from how he'd say it in first person. The flow is awesome as well! Awesome poem.
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interesting idea...
hmmm... well, that was definitely interesting. I liked how I could sort of make this poem a bit of my own. For example, I took it that the devil is just human kind and that we all fall into the evils of society and therefore become one with the devil. See what I mean? I thought that idea was pretty awesome. In other parts I found it slightly confusing (although I am in school and don't have that much time and therefore only read it once) Perhaps I will check back on this poem later and see if I could grasp a better understanding for it. Maybe it is something even cooler than I thought.
As for now, Awesome poem.
Keep writing, I'm loving it
Alex -
Nice work
The first 2 lines grabbed my attention immediately
because I love poems about religion and evil.
And I'm actually a big fan of Lucifer :-]
Beautifully written. Keep up the good work.
-->Ariel
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good write! good write!!
this was some pretty good writing. really. but do you want my personal opinion? it just did'nt catch my attention. ok? it didn't reach out and grab me. it was good, but... god write though. love gypsyfish
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Well Written
the poem is great as far as rhyme and flow goes - the content is up for discusion - well - I have a poem on here called "Satans Snare" depicting that satan is still at work today - Bless God - Joe
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Here Goes................
If I am remembering correctly, Lucifer was banished because he wanted the power which God posessed and tried to cause an uprisisng if you will, in heaven. He was then tossed from heaven and in the day of Adam and eve he being transformed into a serpent slithered into the garden of eden tempting Eve with lies of how she would be as knowledgable as God if partook of the fruit from the tree of knowlede of good and evil. She did partake as did Adam. They did become knowledgable in that they realized for the first time that they were naked. Adam knew at that moment that they would surely die. Lucifer tricked them with deceit into bringing sin and death and destruction upon the earth therefore being the root cause of our imminent demise. But you are right, man does things on his own and it is not always "The devil made me do it" But in no case does the devil EVER look like a saint. Thanks for provoking this thought it me today. I loved the write...it kept me all the way through great rhyme and superb imagery!!!~~Toni~~
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Thanks for the comment
Well... Religions differ. In my religion it is a little bit different. In my religion, which is Islam, it says that Lucifer was an angel. But he differed from other angels because only he was made from fire while all other angels were made from light. So, when god created Adam, he ordered all the angels to bow to a human... Lucifer refused and was banished from heaven and made to live on earth because he defied God. But he crept back to heaven and provoked Eve to eat the fruit from the forbidden tree... Then, God banished Adam and Eve from heaven to earth... and so the Islamic version says.
I respect your religion and respect your story. I just wanted to tell you what inspired me to write the poem and which story it is going back to...
And thank you for your comment.
P.S. Neither do I think that the devil is a saint in any way... The point I wanted to make is that there are some people who are far more vicious than devil... According to another story, Lucifer himself admitted it to a human... a Pharaoh who claimed to be God himself and denied God's existance. Lucifer said that he is less sinfull than the Pharaoh because at least he believes in God and does not claim his power.
Agian, I repeat, I do not want to indicated in that poem anything close to a statement that Lucifer is a saint. I hope we agree on that
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Very lovely rhyming. Really enjoyed the poem as well. A possible truth.
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Creation lives creator line genious.
Egocentric line clashes with meter-ugly effect, mite wanna change. -
The wolf in sheep's clothing. The broken beast. Hells angel. EXTRODINARY!
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He had a name Lufcicer he was a angel of beauty and love music.When he fell he took one third of the heaven with him. It all in the bible for anyone to read. This is very well done. Goes along with the story from the bible. Many say the devil made me do it. In truth we have free will. This is a great example of free will. I feel you have done a remarkable write. This is very well done. It nice to hear it not someone issue.Great work
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Well said, should make everyone, look back on their lives and think long and hard. Excellent.
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It does, it fits very nicely...in fact it is kind of like a poem I have written called An Angel Regressed. The flow is great and the rhyme is good and you tell your story very well...making a profound point. I like the idea. Thank you very much for entering, good luck and take care! x
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nicely done, I really liked how you made yourself yo be the bad guy then turned it on to the humans and it's so very true. Well done you captured the sin very well good job and good luck!!!!
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Cool
this poem was actually a great read for me, one of the best no joke. i like how you changed the atmosphere when you seemed bad then compared to the humans you were an angel. anyway i really like the style well written keep writing! -
Wow this is really good. I don't know if I still believe in God or not. But the message is amazing and I loved the flow. Well said.
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I like this one, it reminds how horrible we really are
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wow.
I love that. it's seriously really good. I love the whole speaker like being Satan. And it makes sense about what this world is becoming to be.
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WOW! The character is speaking as Satan? Interesting concept. I love it. The first three stanzas are good because they show how "evil" Satan (or some other evil menace) is, and how he is out to kill. "Walking between imperfect souls." That is my favorite line because there are many images it conjures up in the imagination. I see a tall, dark, and hadsome (cliche I know) man, yet very evil walking beween people whose souls are black. Almost like black auras. Anyway, the poem turns after the 3rd stanza into something different, which I am finding, I quite like about poetry. I also like how you show how corrupted people are all on their own. Very well written. I enjoyed it!
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wow in the dark and it is almost midnight....your opening stanza set up the atmosphere as i plunge into the darken seas of this write.
through to the ending am dancing with the devil having a ball as society pulls itself apart and damn the only ones who can do any good are not hearing the warning...
I thank you for the pleasure of this read brilliantly penned
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