It feels great being dead!
I mean some jerk is nailing my grave
With a big R.I.P board.
How in God's name am i supposed to 'R.I.P?'
He is getting some money at the end of the day
So it does not matter if he knows the meaning or not.
I know my family probably think I am in a better place now
Like everyone else says,
But I really am not happy down here!!
I am young,
I have not gotten a job,
I do not even own a house or car,
I do not know if my boyfriend loves me at all
I am really sick of my family
But am dead already
And I cannot reverse that.
God please...please..
Let me live again!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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lol I like the sencond sentence with "some jerk is nailing my grave" lol I found this very funny. Ilove hte whole simplicity and the reality of the voice. An everyday kinda talking I hear. This is a gifted write i must say.
I understand what you mean. There are mny people going through your going through when all things just seem to fail yet one thing you have if you beleive and if not you should is God being promised you will go in his blessaed arms of heaven for eternity and that is the truth.
good write -
Very interesting poem.
Quite original I think.
This poem makes death seem to be so unsettling, like there is a need to have a second change to finish all the things we wanted to do.
But alas, it is not for us to determine.
So we make the most of each day and I guess your poem is a perfect example of that!
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Death is so final that we often believe it is the end. Well...it is, on Earth but if we are blessed to consider there is life after death then, death is only the beginning.
An emotive work here poet. I like how you wonddered, even while Resting In Peace.
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Thanks a lot,am so glad you like it!
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Interesting
Since you were kind enough to take the time to read and comment on some of my work, I thought I would return the favor. This is an unusual piece, which at its heart is a plea for help.I realize that some who have critiqued it have implied it is devoid of emotion, however, I disagree. I run a gospel rescue mission and experience has taught me never to ignore a plea for help no matter how it is presented. Being a frustrated poet myself, I fully understand that many times we reveal our deepest concerns and fears in the things we write. God bless.
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Thank you so much for your comment.I feel like you really understand me...........
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What ever is troubling you....give it to the Lord. Trust is His strength and goodness and all will be well.
Drybones
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i agree with scarlet21 for the most part. the begging did not seem to carry emotion, but the ending did. this piece kind of leaves a reader wondering, like how did they die.. etc. maybe i like the storyish kind of poems, since most of mine are like that. u may have noticed after reading 'unlist.' this is a good poem, and i dont think u need to change it if u dont wanna. ~paint
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Thanks for your comment,I'll just leave it like that though. Am honestly scared
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.. putting it in first person was stricking, acting as if you were already dead. i'm not sure is that's metaphorical or not, but i'm thinking it's not.
i think you should take the idea, and make it a bit more morbid, a bit more stricking to the reader. or even, if it's what your after, more spritual. i just think this poem is very lacking, it seems like your telling a story, but your not realy infasising anything about how you feel about it, or about how the reader should feel.
keep it up, you have a good idea. -
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Thanks a lot for your comment. I know the poem is incomplete, its just that when I started writing it, I actually started feeling dead and freaked out. I was so scared, I almost deleted it.Let me master some courage and do it again.
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a origional take on death, you have put it together very well, congrats on a great piece
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