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By The Stream...

By the Stream...

 




My silence plays a world inside me,
I sit lonely...but never alone.
Watching my dreams, the water flows,
Nobody knows just where it goes,
Like the journeys of life trickling by,
I'm building  my castles in the sky.

My silence plays a world inside me,
Certain always, where I will be,
On lightest day or darkest night
I'll be watching my dreams on waters bright,
And as dancing patterns float on by,
No one will see the look in my eye.

There's no presence, there's no one here,
I'm playing my dreams on waters clear,
Under skies deep blue or darkened grey
My Kaleidescope of life will play,
And as I watch my dreams sublime,
My heart beats hard with angst and rhyme.

And time after time, I'll sit alone,
Long after the birds all south have flown,
In summer, winter, autumn or spring,
By this waters edge, my heart will sing,
I sit lonely, but never alone.
My silence plays a world inside me...




Author notes

Blankscreen2222

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 51 of 51

  • perfectsunset gold member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. brilliant indeed.
    Loved this !

    Congrats on all trophies
    won, very well deserved

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    June 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the way you are almost talking to me, as if I am with you on this lonely journey. This does make me feel quite miserable, especially at the start.


  • TabbyCat
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "my heart beats hard with angst and rhyme."
    I liked this line the best. Your use of the word kaleidescope also caught my eye. Nice.


  • reymysterio
    May 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Your poem is great and wonderful it is agreat piece of writing well done good luck.


  • Roaddog Wolf
    May 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    this is a marvelous poem

    I enjoyed reading this and I felt a sadness but also felt a feeling of calm within the words of this piece, good write.

    Thank you for this entry and good luck in the contest


  • Heavens Child
    April 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Most of my thoughts and feelings on this poem have already been stated. It's ellegantly beautiful. Best wishes and thank you for entering.


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    January 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Many thanks for your entry in our contest, you have covered the subject of lonliness very well and we enjoyed reading this.

    Please consider entering a poem in our future contests.

    Sue and Jeff


  • La Tua Cantante
    January 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There is beautiful imagery in this poem, I don’t see how someone couldn’t smile at this site. There’s a wonderful flow to it and amazing rhyme. My favorite part is:
    “My silence plays a world inside me,
    I sit lonely...but never alone.
    Watching my dreams, the water flows,
    Nobody knows just where it goes,
    Like the journeys of life trickling by,
    I'm building my castles in the sky.”
    It sounds like an great place, and it sounds like you really adore being there too. I love the repetition of “My silence plays a world inside me.” There are no awkward parts in this, and I wouldn’t suggest any changes except the spelling of Kaleidoscope. Truly Excellent.
    Thank you and good luck in my contest.
    -Dana.

  • AaronReed
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    There are some very good lines in here. Kaleidescope in the water was a really great image. But, there were a lot of cliche lines. There are probably many more imaginitive ways of getting across to your audience "nobody knows just where it goes". You might want to look deeper into what you are trying to say with this line. Are you showing the thinking man, pondering the origins and destinations of life. I would also watch out for your refferences to the first person. The audience knows who you are talking after the subjects first reference to itself. Good work over all. Keep writing.


  • maa gold member
    November 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    thank you so much for this graceful poem ... it inspires tranquility and peacefulness ... lovely imagery and rhymes give it an aliveness and an atmosphere of joyfulness and playfulness ... lonely but never alone ... or alone but never lonely ... alone or all one ...
    wonderful,

    maa


  • katie-jo
    October 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful poem.
    Your rhyme scheme was amazing, I really enjoyed reading this poem very very much.

    Thank you for entering and all the best in the contest.
    ~katiebird


  • jcat gold member
    October 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    what a wonderful poem.. that rhyming was great!! thanks for entering and good luck in the contest


  • Entwining Beauty
    September 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oh woe what a beautiful poem good luck


  • McRae by nature
    September 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great job. This was always one of my favorite pieces...yes I do remember it from my first contest Good luck in this one.

    Carrie


  • Princess Perdue gold member
    August 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well what can I say ...apart from simply divine! I love nature and I love rhyming, but I find rhyme is often frowned upon. Let me just say this....show this piece of work to anyone and I'm certain they would not deny the beauty of this most excellent piece of poetry. I absolutely love this and think it's quite gorgeous and I understand it completely...the feeling of being alone but not lonely, Anyway...sigh.… My hat is off to you! Well done and thank you for bringing this charming and enchanting work into my contest. Good luck.

    Shaz xx


  • aslanlight
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    'I'm building my castles in the sky.' This line is a little cliche but this one impresses me 'I'm playing my dreams on waters clear,'. A lot of deep thought has gone into this and it's a very beautiful write.

    Peace Georgia


  • knock
    August 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nice write
    I almost feel i've been there myself

  • eternal-devotion
    August 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    This is intensely personal

    I found this a very personal perspective on what the author feels about themselves. I liked every thing about this poem except the last line, it left something to be desired, at least for me. Emotionlly I could put myself in this spot, for I tend to be introspective myself. I didn't find this an awkward poem to read I found it quite good. The title was excelent for this poem, and the first line gets you thinking of what this poem will say to you. As i stated earlier the last line left something to be desired, However having said that I really do not know what I would have written in its place. Overall I truely liked this poem.


  • Dageek2
    August 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Nice rhyme and flow! Good luck in the contest!


  • captain howdy
    August 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    great job! Nice flow, nice rhyme, beautifully penned! Gratzy on your shiny!


  • Free1977
    August 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I Love This Piece

    So heartfelt and warm....Keep writting my friend you have talent indeed.....Always Frances

  • McRae by nature
    August 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing. welcome to the Finalist list. Thank you for doing everything I asked for. You took my breath away with you wonderful rhyme and you fluent rythem Thank you and good Luck

    Carrie


  • Rheea gold member
    August 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i guess this is still you or it would not be in your heart. I liked it but it made me hurt though it wasn't sad.


  • Talking Toni gold member
    August 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I can certainly see why you got so many trophys on this piece!!!!It was like I was again looking in the mirror as I read this...great minds think alike huh....I am adding you as a fav..TODAY!!! This was just beautiful rendition of finding and knowing one's self....Thanks for send ing this piece for me to read!!!~~Toni~~


  • Namita
    August 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the gold and thanxx for entering. Good luck.

    Luv,
    Candy
    Contest Holder


  • Xgeekdreamgonewrong
    August 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great poem


  • Ale E
    July 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this a lot. This is going to be so hard to judge. I better add honorable mentions. I liked your rhyme and flow used in this piece. Overall nicely done. Thank you for entering and best of luck in my contest.


  • Tangled Angle
    July 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice, but I don't think this will win, so I'm going to remove this from the contest. [I have 100 entries.. it's easier to stay organized by doing this] Thanks for entering though.


  • FollowingFate
    February 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    LOVE

    Oh my goodness, you've entered a lot of contests! lol. Anyways, I loved your piece. I feel the same serene connection to water! It's always so calming and pure. Just being by water makes my heart quiver in fresh, goodness! lol. Anyways, great job. The only thing I didn't really enjoy was the line that seemed a little forced:

    Long after the birds all south have flown,

    but it's not major. I still enjoyed your piece very much. Thank you for entering. Good luck and best wishes

    ~jessica


  • tabbykat10988
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i love the emotion in here... and the picture you painted for me with words was beautiful... great job and good luck in the contest
    -tabbykat


  • bananasfoster42
    February 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow. this is a truly excellent write. thanks for entering!


  • Shantalina
    February 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very well written and something not often seen...very beautiful. Thanks for entering.


  • in silver script
    February 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is really good. I love it! Thanks for entering!


  • Lj-
    February 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done.

    I liked:

    "Like the journeys of life trickling by,
    I'm building my castles in the sky."


    Thank you for entering,
    Best of luck!


  • Chibi-chan
    February 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hi! This was great!!! I love to enter my best poems in a million contests, too!!! I loved it!!! Exactly what I was looking for!!! Good job!!! Lots of exclamation points...


    • Chibi-chan
      February 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      oh, yah- I need your username. If you need to preserve the anonymity of this in other contests, just IM me.


  • poet2angels gold member
    February 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    love it

    I truly love this poem...
    The rhyme is natural and unforced, the flow is beautiful...
    The poem holds a peaceful feeling of being alone....Inspiring, with just enough of a sad tone, but not depressing....
    I really love it..
    Lynda


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    February 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant

    Another very very good piece of writing. Deep and very powerful too. The flow was amazing in this. Keep writing. You are very good.


  • Tilted-Misschief
    February 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    really good write,tis well written..Good luck in the contest

  • Lillybet
    February 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    forgot to add my applause in that last comment

  • Lillybet
    February 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    This is so well written and has real feeling within the lines. The picture it paints is so poignant.
    The images keep playing in my mind and I want to keep rereading it.
    Absolutley wonderful is all I can say.
    Good luck in the contest.
    Lillybet


  • bananasfoster42
    February 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is a really excellent write. i love it!


  • individuality gold member
    February 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    a good piece - nice flow to it - though i think i would have used fullstops, rather than commas at the edn of each verse. silence, its waters can be very soothing at times i think, solitude and silence would brings smiles. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...


    • Blankscreen2222
      February 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Yes. Thanks. Make each verse its own island. I like the idea of that. :-) Helpful critique. Thankyou.


  • Mr Fluent 4 Fun
    February 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    What A fantastic Poem B. I enjoyed reading this so much. You wrote this in such a beautiful descriptive way that it truely captivated me. The phones are ringing and everythings go go down here in the office yet I found your poem to be so captivating that it all went away.


    • Blankscreen2222
      February 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Tsk Tsk..

      Mr F..Answer that bloomin' phone ... LOL..
      Thanks for the reply. I'm glad you enjoyed it
      B.

  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    February 7, 2007
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    Deep and very emotional

    Very very beautiful indeed. Deep and so emotional. A kind of meloncholic melody played in my mind upon reading this. The sadness and slight depression flowed through this as well. I truly loved it. Skilfully-written. Well done for this. Keep writing.

    • Blankscreen2222
      February 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thankyou

      Thankyou for reading and leaving such very kind comments. I like the way you described the feelings it evoked of melancholic melody.. I did write this one originally as a song then changed it into a poem.
      Thankyou :-)


  • Cannonsfire
    February 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful, it touched me and I don't know why but it did and I have read it twice now. Just makes me feel of those voices, inside your head telling you one thing but making you do another, like a constant fight between good and evil, lost love, lost sanity, something you want to change but can't. It's sublime, I really enjoyed this.

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