Wandering eyes and a steady beat
Thump, thump, thump, thump
All is well
In a happy person's life
Shallow breath and laboring heart
Faster, faster, faster, faster
Time does not slow
Not a second to lose
The rapid heartbeat of life
Thud, thud, thud, thud
Skipping a beat
And then it stops
Author notes
Not sure where this came from. I was thinking about my dad, and this just sort of happened. I'm not so good with freeverse, but I think it's okay.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Interesting what the mind comes up with when it's void of stuff. I do like the second line repetition of the stanzas. Makes things tie together and the feeling of sporatic heartbeats more constant.
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Well it is not long but it sure says alot. I think you did very well for not being good with freeverse, as you said, but um yeah it can be difficult. but I usually tend to be a perfectionist so when I write mine, it has to sound write and what not before I even think about finishing it and there is always something missing so its really hard. Im a weirdo. Anyway I really did like this the
"Thump, thump, thump, thump"
"Faster, faster, faster, faster"
"Thud, thud, thud, thud"
That was quite unique and creative. If it were longer I bet it could've been really awesome to have something different like that. And you should practice with freeverse some more so you can get a feel of both rhyming and freeverse. Even tho i may not rhyme a whole lot I'm getting there because I wanna improve so it doesnt always sound simple and cliche. But you did pretty well. The repitition was great...I read it again cause it was so short, but yeah its really good. I know your dad will be fine. I promise. Well whenever I'm on you can talk to me bout anythin' Member I'm the male reincarnation of your best friend lol, toodles!
-Chris
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Great write so full of emotion. Keep up the wonderful work!
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