An infinite number of forever is what I wish to spend with you,
But my heart is plainly broken with a depression created anew.
You unknowingly bring me down whenever you possibly can,
And sometimes I wonder if this hypocrisy is your ultimate plan.
A monkey has more feeling and knows just what to declare,
I doubt you even pay attention I don’t think you're even aware,
Of how much you tend to hurt me even though you never try,
Sometimes those words you say just make me want to cry.
Your supercilious ways bring me crashing to reality,
That not all of human kind can practice such purity.
The silence of my chaos is rendering my broken spirit,
Like a murky river flowing so dense my mind can’t clear it.
My thoughts are so agonizing they pull me under,
Believing in myself was my biggest blunder.
As I emerge from the slime and mud drips from my face,
It causes the feelings of shame and the look of disgrace.
I cover my faults with a mask of despair,
Hiding my face behind my stringy brown hair.
I’m suddenly crashing to Earth with my realization,
That death could be the next greatest sensation.
My history is enough to justify these musings,
You’re no good and worthless my mind keeps accusing.
Maybe that’s why I’m not good enough for you,
No wonder you treat me the way that you do.
I’ve tried to rid myself of these troubles,
The cuts, memories, the anger that bubbles,
To the peak of my existence it rises to the top,
The memories start flooding over and will not stop.
The fall and the loss of something so dear,
Brings me to my knees at the start of each year.
My anger lies with you though I know not why,
I guess its because you weren’t there to stop my cries.
I need to try and forget this pain forever,
My past, present, and future must now sever,
They have held me down right from the start,
Now you know why I bear such a wounded heart.
Author notes
Yeah....i hate my life sometimes...it really sux...heres a poem...finally...i hate writers block...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is full of raw emotion..
with a lot of anger..
The way you started this piece in Love
was the perfect undertone for the rest of
what you had to say.
(I do a feeling it's something you -had- to say)
This is a very driving piece, dear sister..
Be very proud of it!
~Adam
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I think this has the potential to be great, its very emotional and conveys your thoughts and feelings as all poetry should do. I think some lines are a bit over complicated and some not-so-original BUT I wouldn't change it, because this is how you feel and how you chose to write your words down and if you change it...you change it to be more poetic rather than it becoming more personal (if that makes any sort of sense) - so I would leave it as it is.
I am glad you are out of writers block, it is not a nice place to be...
I guess everyone hates their lives sometimes...unfortunately a fact of life =[, I do hope you one day will begin to like or even love your life as then only (I think) you can live to the full. Keep up the writing, it was an excellent read
take care xx
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Not a Bad Poem
Yeah, definitely ignore brandonashely1992. He misspelled half of his insult to you, so that demonstrates his level of intelligence.
There are parts of this poem that appeal to me a lot:
"The silence of my chaos is rendering my broken spirit/Like a murky river flowing so dense my mind can't clear it." The simile in these lines is brilliant.
"I've tried to rid myself of these troubles/The cuts, memories, the anger that bubbles." These lines flow well, and I like the imagery of the bubbles.
There are some grammatical problems with this piece, although not many I can see. In line 6 you mixed up "You're" with "Your." An easy way to remember this rule is "you're" is for "you are", and "your" is for everything else.
The only part I really don't like is "A monkey has more feelings." Mammals probably feel with the same intensity as humans, as the emotional parts of the brain evolved early. If you were to use "lizard" instead of "monkey", the sentiment might make more sense. Then again, we can't determine how much a lizard feels without being a lizard. (Although we assume they feel less than we do). -
First of all--ignore brandon ashley1992. Some people are so cut off from their own emotions that they have to torment the people that actually have them.
I wouldn't say this is a great poem, but you did have a good amount of emotion and personal experience behind it. The thing that I think makes the poem... less, is the lack of original words---More "Supercilious" and less "pain" "Wounded" etc. Those words are used so often that they lose their punch. If you found other words to display similar emotions then your poem would have a more original feel. But I like how the lines gradually get shorter--I dunno if that was intentional or not, but it's really cool. So, yeah--there's my two cents. -
howdy
Hey you! Well like always this is as close to perfect as ANYONE can even come close to! The pouring of emotion is the most important thing in any type of poetry - and like always you pulled it off grandly. And we all hate writters block! Especially when you juts wanna write something sweet so badly but cant put it into anything worthy... Grr Im having that now actually
but as you see I deleted all my works... They wernt good enough.
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hey if you wanna talk im here sugaboo
im glad your out of your writers block woohoo. this was beautiful as always dear. love you!!
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OMG! I love this poem, I can totally relate! Great job! Keep up the good work!
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