sweeping liliacs hang from trees
haunting laughter in the breeze
blue sky
grey clouds
half of me in heaven
half in hell
I'm moving on
I'm not ready to
I'm still so far behind
I smile outside
inside I cry
under the liliac tree
wait for me
under the sky
are you happy
part of my thoughts
trapt in my mind
are you standing beside me
I'll say goodbye
I'll smile
I've said goodbye
I cry
I'll walk away
I'm happy
I've walked away
that's a lie
I remember times gone by
I remember your face
under the liliac branches
under the crying sky
I hear your voice
you're saying good-bye
I stand up and smile up to the heaven
liberated at last
my time in hell will someday pass
Author notes
umm I hope this is abit better I am trying to get this right since I have been inspired to write something it's been hard for me to write lately but I felt i HAD TO TRY
A contest entry
- The Poets Write by Starrchild777.
975 points, ended March 8, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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woah this is amazing the feeling in this poem is like devastingly beautiful i can see what you described vivdly here i can imagine the feeling it is a job well done congratualtions
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thank you very much I wrote this during a very hard period I had just recentl;y lost my aunt who had lupas thank you once again for you kind words
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1st> Let me thank you for entering our contest
2nd> Only the last stanza truly carries any underwrite weight, the rest is more, metaphorical. If you would care to revise using that last stanza as your premise, then you will certainly be in the game. As it presently stands, its weak for an underwrite. I do hope you can be inspired with a revision.
~*Starr*~ -
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thanks for the advice I'm not sure what you mean really but I have tried to revise it abit let me know if I need to work on it more and I'll try again
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