My own thoughts betray
my own words deceive
my own actions mislead,
I barely control myself
My mind anticipates one way
my heart traverses another
I am crammed between them
and my friends stand by my side
I am divided amongst myself,
constantly reflecting on what
I shall do
For carefully must I act
if I wish to preserve
all I live for
I am enshrouded in confusion
tossed in a sea of daze
emotions proposing one way
judgment steering a separate route
Should our distances be kept,
or should I seal the gap?
How fine a line there is
between friendship
and love.
A contest entry
- Post Secret::My Secret Inspired *Now Your SECRET!* by Dead Star--x.
350 points, ended February 14, 2007, 44 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All I want is the TRUTH by XHollowXEyesX.
450 points, ended March 12, 2007, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Excellant
Ah, a very fine line indeed. If you haven't already read Kahlil Gibran's, "The Prophet", you might want to do so, especially the essay's on "Love", and "Friendship". He's always been my favorite poet/philosopher and his poetry really sings of the essence of life itself. Link in a moment:
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/5484/Gibran.htm
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This was a great write! There's nothing more I could possibly say because the other 30 people said it for me!
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Very true
This poem reflects the conflict between mind and heart very well. All of us, I think, have experienced this indecision, the helplessness of being torn between what you should do and what you want to do. On that level, I think everyone can relate to this poem. Good poem, in that regard. -
Hey this is a good poem i really like it and if you need an AP sister im here and oh yea i like the ending that is different i do not really read that too often "How fine a line there is
between friendship
and love."
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Oh wonderful take and perspective on that fine line...many times I have been faced with same exact thoughts, and sometimes looking back I have chosen the wrong path yet I have no regrest only lessons learned...no mistakes....follow your heart! Good job!
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hon... that was so beautiful. we all walk a fine line in life . it is so true! keep writing babe!
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Transcend All
" I am enshrouded in confusion
tossed in a sea of daze"
I thought this entire piece was groovy, but this in particular stayed with me even after I had left for an errand and come back. It just grabbed me and won't let go. Thanks for sharing a piece of your soul.
Namaste'
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I can fully understand why you received silver on this poem. It is wonderful. The way you wrote it, torn between the heart and mind, which is a common problem for so many people. We know what we should do but our emotions get in the way. I love that you added the part about your friends are standing by you, that was wonderful, and so very important too. great job with this one.
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you stroke platnium with this piece huh? nice story
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wow, you seem to capture everything perfectly.
you have an amazing talent and have written this with great emotion.
thanks for entering -
Beautiful
Everything soo descriptive... so emotional...expressed so brilliantly... i love everything dat flow da message de wordin everything .... it jst showz such emotion.... i can feel the thought jst comin off da screen!
i love how u phrase it.... i can feel da confusion in de actions neeeded to be taken..... i noe exactly how u feel.... wow dis is jst sooo good!!!
i enjoyed readin it alot! i must say it was really wow!
lol
=]
♥Helen
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AMAZING!
I absolutely love it because I can relate so well. Well written and I love the whole set up...this is fantastic! I love it!
SAE -
I loved it!!!
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Wow, this is such a good poem, I just love it. It is so wonderful, and it flows so well! Thank you, SO much for this amazing entry I really enjoyed reading it, and good luck in my contest.
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oooooooo i locve this!!!~ trhe rhyme the flow everything i just loved it it rocked!!! thanx for entering and god luck!!!
*Abused * -
Exciting question! It gives me butterflies in my stomach. I do hope you find the right answer.
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Brilliant Write
I really like the flow of this poem. And i like all the confusion and doubt.
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This is a mature write for someone so young... Wisdom comes from the mouth of babes. Have some applause. And by the way, you are over modest on your profile. This was a pleasant suprise. Chris
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Oh WOW!
This is just fantastic from start to finish!
packed with emotion and talent,
wonderful job!
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BEAUTIFUL
this is beautiful,guess I may be wrong but to me friendship is love and love is friendship,they go hand in hand,one can not destroy the other.I say seal the gap and keep writing I love your style:
:f:f:f *love*
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This sits well with me, for it is me. This is a question that has no answers but the fear of destroying what already is, is the creator of confusion. You express these sentiments clearly and with great feeling.
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This was a really good write. And It was wonderfully written. I loved the emotion you put into it. Good job.
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Excellent
A wonderful write indeed. So much thought and emotion here. It feels so much like a self analysis, one which I think many of us go through, always questioning what we do and feel. You penned this wonderfully indeed.
I think it's hard to seal that gap and I don't think I have ever been been able to. A lifelong struggle I think.
Gaylene
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Oh, I love this poem. You write it with a lot of feeling. I could really relate to this poem, and I think a lot of other people could, too. It's fantastic. I love the way you wrote it, with lots of imagery and poetic devices. This is really nice. Great write! Keep it up.
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Each line reminded me a little of myself.
"My mind anticipates one way
my heart traverses another
I am crammed between them
and my friends stand by my side
I am divided amongst myself,
constantly reflecting on what
I shall do
For carefully must I act
if I wish to preserve
all I live for"
It's almost as if you know the secret I am hiding... lol... Do you???? *just kidding*
But this really is a great write.
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very meaningful piece here
This is a dilemna of the fortunate..having a friend that can be more than a friend..yet as the writer points out most treat it as a dilemna and forced choice...is there a downside? is there reaqlly anything to lose? really good stuff here
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Wow, this was great! Even my mind felt torn apart while reading this! You convey confusion so well with so few words, that I must give you a pat on the back! I loved the lack of rhyme, and the flow of this piece. I especially love how so many could relate to this piece. You sidle in with the reader, and make it easy for them to feel where you are coming from. Great Job!
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i loved this piece. definitely thought the ending brought it home.
"I am enshrouded in confusion
tossed in a sea of daze
emotions proposing one way
judgment steering a separate route"
probably my favorite part. -
good
How many times we misjudge a friendship. Your poem has me wondering.
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awww!!this is a great poem i love it!!!
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kewl
This is good, i liked the last stanza.
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