Looking down upon the world, I find that I lose myself in fantasy as realities gravity of moments immobilizes my ability to dream. You'd think the opposite to be true, but they rarely are.
I'm feeling dizzy and light-headed from thoughts upon thoughts and the encumbrances of many lifetimes without enough death to compensate for the weight of the unadulterated wretchedness of existence.
The air is thin, and my blood is a watery eye; crying, and sweating and freezing from the inside-out. Hollowness is home, planting its seedlings within my soul, and as these vines continue to grow; I'm consumed by an unshakable cold.
If it wasn't for such a pristine loneliness, I wouldn't be able to account for my own subsistence. There is nothing but silence in every crevice of my heart; withered under the spell of an unexplained farewell.
The voices are of angels, but why do they scream? Beautiful and frightening; like life from the start to the demons at the end. They await me with malicious impatience. Clawing at the walls of my mind… Scrying for that one open door left ajar the day you broke my heart…
… And I shall fall into their lurid contrivance…mind, body & spirit, within' their skeletal hands. Dancing as I am dismembered… Giddy as a child 'fore the pain of reality takes hold. Burning in Hell's most fiery deep…
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In Hell... where I will never be free
Unholy Hell... where light, can not be
My heart in Hell... without reprieve.
~Cold as Hell... this...burning sleep~
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Home is Hell...
...soul twisted...
...in Deeps...lascivious keep.
By: Jaye Eryk
Copyright © 2007
Non-Monosyllabic comments welcomed
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I like this poem. Its rich with imagery in detail. I'm not really sure... although I'm having trouble trying to find the distinction between how you used two opposing genres of poetry. I like it though, it's really a fantastic piece.
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Oh my! What a wonderful symmetry of sound and emotion. Beautiful use of metaphor and simile. The meter and rhythm just pull the reader deeper and deeper. The lines that stay with me are, "Hollowness is home, planting its seedlings within' my soul, and as these vines continue to grow; I'm consumed by an unshakable cold." Such pulchritudinous words and stygian emotion. Well done and well done.
My only critique would be in your choice of font color. It is quite difficult to read without highlighting. Otherwise, perfection.
jill
ps. thanks for taking the time to read my little ditty. 'Tis a nursery rhyme by comparison.
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"I'm feeling dizzy and light-headed from thoughts upon thoughts"
This seemed to be the line that stuck out most to me. I really enjoyed it. I know how all those thoughts feel as well. Keep up the good work
BATMAN
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Way outta my league, but i enjoyed it immensely,
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Into the minds eye what one sees
from the depth of my mind, I see minds racing, hearts pounding, blood seeping, souls taken as she laid in vain his hand became the whip that caused her soul to weep.
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Interesting poem. Deep and complex. It was above my intellect but I still enjoyed what I could understand. Great Job. Nice vocabulary!
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I don't know you, but I wouldn't say it's about your intellect.
Much of my writing is in metaphor, and metaphors in metaphors. I do it intentionally to lose the reader in my words.
A poem may mean one thing to me, and something completely different to someone else. Whatever your interpretation, if you liked it, if it meant something to you...that's what I'm after.
People can't solve my problems or mend my heart, eventhough they think they can. So I mask the meanings behind the words in ways that people can find some way to relate mine to theirs.
If you wish to believe it's above your intellect, believe also that it's above most others. :-)
Thank you kindly for the comments.
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jay jay jay what can i say i enjoy every single word u write it is like u can hear my screams and read my mind especially in these lines :
The air is thin, and my blood is a watery eye; crying, and sweating and freezing from the inside-out. Hollowness is home, planting its seedlings within' my soul, and as these vines continue to grow; I'm consumed by an unshakable cold.
If it wasn't for such a pristine loneliness, I wouldn't be able to account for my own subsistence. There is nothing but silence in every crevice of my heart; withered under the spell of an unexplained farewell.
i loved the paradoxes the cold hell thingy
great great great!!! i cant say mre
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Wow. :-) Thank you so much. You flatter me.
You must scream awefully loud if you think I can hear you, lol.
Your comments are a warm breath on a cold day.
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