when i look in the mirror i hate what i see
the sad lonely girl that looks back at me
how long will it take before i forgive
will i hate myself as long as i live
will i ever get better or even be well
or will i keep myself locked inside my own hell
will i ever forgive me for the things that Ive done
like drinking and using while pregnant with my son
will i ever quit chasing the demons in my head
or will i be like my brother and chase till I'm dead
Author notes
I have learned to deal with my illness, I have a beautiful son who loves me, it just took me a while for me to love myself.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Good stuff. "or willl I stayed locked inside my own hell" this would get rid of the double 1st-person pronoun which is not always the best to use. Capitalize your "I" 's. Keep writing
~*Starr*~ xxxx -
I love it.
I don't know how it feels to be an addict but my half sisters mom was murdered by a alcohol addict so I know what it can do to you. I am so glad you see your faults and that is a part of recovering. If more women were like you I would be proud of our gender. Forgive yourself. Your son loves you and that is what counts. -
sad indeed
wow this is an extremely emotion piece of work here you have expressed your thoughts with so much honesty and intensity. i agree with anirishlulabye i think the poem may flow a little easy and more dramatically by chopping the sentences a bit. however it still flows nicely as it is. this is a wonderful piece and i wish u happiness in all that u do with your future. great poem!
much love ~Haunted~
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I love it,
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Very well done and still glowing with the emotion and struggle you face. I have but 2 suggestions, again cap the "I" and perhaps changing "pregnant with" for "carrying". This one change will make the flow of this shine as well as the content and words already do. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Peg
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Oh my..
... This was absolutely beautiful..
The questions are so deep and so strong. It is amazing what we find in our own personal minds isn't it? Our own personal hells. You've done a spectacular job here. I find that it might be better if you broke off your sentences like this:
When I look in the mirror
I hate what I see
The sad lonely girl that
Looks back at me
Etc. etc...
That way your poem is not just one long sentence structure. That's just my opinion.
I'm glad you have found a way to love yourself. Kassie.
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awsome
I can relate so much to your poem all the mistakes, right now i am having a hard time forgiving myself and relapsed while working the 4th step. you have a great tallent and i will pray for your success.
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Wow so deep with such pain and guilt. We are only human my dear. Life goes on and your on the right derection for you do need to love your self first. Before you can love any one esle. Good luck (Lisa)
"will i ever quit chasing the demons in my head
or will i be like my brother and chase till I'm dead" -
What an honest and frank poem which is obviously very personal. I am sure it goes some way in helping you accept your past as exactly that - your past. Look forward and start each day afresh. After all we can only live in the present. Well done on an excellent piece. Julie. x
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We all make mistakes. We are human my friend. We all bleed red. Take your regrets and put them behind you. Be thankful for all that you have before you now and ahead of you. Your son may have been God's divine intervention. Maybe he is your angel.
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Such heartfelt sentiments expressed so well in these lines - don't need a long poem to make one feel the hurt you feel and questions you keep asking yourself. Easy to read and understand this in your poem. Welcome to AP. May writing ease your pain and allow you to use poetry to help others through their pain and troubles as well. Liked the form you used - the no capitals or punctuation works here. Hope to see many more of your poems up and around regularly.
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Thank you
I really appreciate your comments, i was afraid to write my poems when i first came to AP because i didnt know what people would think but you know i have worked hard for my sobriety and i dont mind showing my pain it is what got me sober today. god bless 
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how long will it take before i forgive
will i hate myself as long as i live
Well I understand when we identify the weakness of ours than we begin to strengthen us and you have begun that with this great self analysis here...my best wishes my friend..God bless you and I hope God will take you to the path of peace and light...amen... -
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GOD BLESS YOU TOO!!!
I was sitting here viewing the comment you made for about the 5th time and it just really makes me feel like you understand, i have been clean and sober for some time now, but the pain is what got me there thank you so much.
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deep in that there are so many understandings here to cherry-pick from. Overall, this is very intelligent and well written for every word and of course every expression.
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thank you so much on your comment on WILL I it was so nice to hear someone say that this was intelligent, I have worked very hard to be clean and sober, and it too pain like this to get me there.god bless.
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I've only started to really understand forgiveness. I finally realized it's not about letting anyone off the hook someone else or yourself it's about saying to yourself that you no longer want to have that resentment in your heart anymore, you want to let it go. This is a good poem, I would like to hear a poem from you about how you are forgiving yourself, how you are freeing yourself.
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I no longer want to have resentment
i have forgiven myself alot after writing this poem, as a matter of fact i think when writing it i started the process. But i do have to say that i learn from every poem i write, thank you for your nice words. you really are nice.
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This is a deep poem. Oh how i know the feeling of struggling to forgive yourself for what mistakes in the past. i struggle daily. i hate my life so much of the time. this poem gives the reader a view into your heart and what you are feeling. I like poems like that. Ones that are real and honest. Take care and keep on writing.
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This is from deep within...forgive yourself and look for a happy bright future...Let go....Your son loves you and just keep on lovin yourself and we will be here for you when you cannot...this is an explosion of self-confession...I feel your pain.Been there...Keep writing, you have a gift to share...
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