I see yourself asking who, why, and what,
will be the guy who loves you deep down in his gut.
You wish every night for him to appear,
and wake in the morning and he's still not there.
I don't think you know how special you are,
like that dark cloudy night ,that one shiny star.
That leads you with it's beautiful glow
safely where you need to go.
Never thinking of yourself, only of others,
getting them together so they become lovers.
Secretly liking him but never will tell,
seeing them kiss hurts you like hell.
You need to come first at some point in your life,
because you will make someone a beautiful wife.
Author notes
my daughter is the one i wrote this for she is always making others happy at her own expense.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Ah, the sweet agony of seeing those we love & care for giving so much to others who only use them. Use of "and/or/but/the" are but a few words that one should try and use sparingly when writing poetry. We all need to realize that if we don't come first ourselves we do nothing but let down everyone we try so hard to please because then we are not at our best.
~*Starr*~ xxx -
i know exactly the position ur daughter puts herself in im a terrible one for doing the same thing. this poem is pretty good, i found the first few lines a little hard as the flow isnt quite right but towards the end it flows great! i love your last two lines they brightened me up so much and i can feel your love for her radiating from these words.
~Haunted~ -
Awww a very tender message from you. I am seeing an improvement in flow, but would like to suggest that line 9 may read better as "You don't think of yourself, only of others" and line 10 "Bringing others together..." But just a suggestion here. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Peg
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I know what you mean..
... when it comes to making others happy at ones own expense. You've done a spectacular job on this poem and the rhyme. It's very well written. Again I think structure to your poem would make it read easier. Good job.. Kassie -
Wonderful, wonderful, WONDEFUL! This is so amazing and stunning.
This is absolutely beautiful, Very well thought out and polished to high perfection. Brilliant piece my friend! loved the form and flow and the rhythm and rhyme are dead on. Captivating piece from start to finish. Don't put down that pen! I love this so much. Keep up the killer work, take care and good luck.
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thank you so much i really wear my feelings on my sleeve when i am writing. I never wrote anything before in my life and when my brother died of an overdose, its like he sent these words to me from a higher place. Everything that i have written so far is my is my life. thanks again for the nice comments.
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Brave Gal you are
Addictions, any sort, be it drugs or booze can & will destroy a person. I have had & seen many friends go down the drain because of drugs or booze or both. I pray you get your wish & write that great book of yours
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Althought the poem is very good, it feels like some element is missing, something that needs to be added. I actually feel a bit guilty about saying that, since not a lot of my poetry is that great anyway, but thats my opinion.
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This is truly heartfelt and speaks to me on so many levels..I am that little girl and yet so is my daughter even though I have encouraged her not to be...Children are what they live...she has seen mama be this way so now the circle continues..I am going to read this to her and see if it helps...what a gorgeous tribute you have given her...and you pass along to others...like me...Thanks for sharing this wonderful sentiment and motherly advice...
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This is such a lovely poem, and for your daughter too?? That must make her happy to read a poem for her....
Although it's a bit sad I liked it a lot.
Special lines that I can relate with are:
You wish every night for him to appear,
and wake in the morning and he's still not there
Great write,
thank you for sharing
Demi
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