when you cry in pain
who is responsible for this to blame
when they die in war
who can we face and roar
they say its justified peace
then why only the sorrow increase
the life of peoples are in threat
we pretend that its really great
where is the love in our heart
who sell it, cause someone need to add it in their shopping cart
i dont know why
but only for you i still cry
they took your life in a full moon night
i still wait in front of a candle light
now i have decided to get you back
to do this i will enter a world named black
its my only crime only for you
other than i am a human welfare crew
A contest entry
- Crimes Of Passion Contest by Ethereal One.
600 points, ended February 7, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever you want to write by LoverBoy4u.
640 points, ended June 7, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Bravo
This is so powerful, so true and meaningful reading this piece, we often sit aside witnessing what happens without making a move to do something, yOu amaze me with your work
Zia,
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Tears
Wow, this piece is so heartwrenching and filled with such passion, powerful write! -
Good
This is really well written -
beautiful
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This is a very powerful write soul great work
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this is written very good. i can feel the sadness.
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nice write, sweetly written.
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This is very good! It doesn't really let you settle in to a rhythm, but that may be the point. The message is clear and noble!!
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A sad but wonderful poem with lots of questions that need answers. Yes. War should be outlawed everywhere. I agree with your sentiments here. There should be no need for pain in this world. I love the way you said love should be added to the shopping cart. That was really clever and thougt provoking. You sound like you are sad a lot. I noticed this on your page with your emoticon. Hopefully, one day soon, you'll be able to change that to a great big smile, because there are a lot of people out here who do care. Keep up the great writing.
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thank you for your sweet and great comment
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Merry meet,
You present some thought provoking ideas. I have a couple of suggestions which you might think about.
In the second line:
"who is responsible for this to blame"
it really doesn't make too much sense as written, I would suggest (if you don't mind) that you place:
"to blame"
at the beginning of the third line. It would make the second line stronger and give clearing meaning to the third line. Just some thoughts from the marbles rattling in my head tonight.
Regardless, an intriguing poem.
Amythest
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I find it hard to choose sides in these issues. Peace freaks are so unrealistic but who wants to see Nazis and their 'public services' anyway about the poem, it's good, a little choppy but maybe you like that.
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Since I was born in 1945, I've heard and read about millions and millions of people being killed, butchered and slaughtered mostly under the pretext of saving the humanity. Like you I'm also perplexed as to who is resposible for all this injustice. It is, as a matter of fact, the devil inside us which has been left uncaged to play havoc around the world. We need to cage this wild instict of ours. We need peace...... and peace can be achieved only by remaining peaceful ourselves and to let the world remain peaceful instead of patting ourselves for being the saviours of humanity while killing and buthering the innocent human beings after terming them terrorists.
Your poem is indeed very thought-provoking.
Rahi
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your poem well depicts the sad truth the world has come to.
"a world named black"
that line is haunting. i love it.
well done.
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"where is the love in our heart
who sell it, cause someone need to add it in their shopping cart"
that is an absolute beautiful write and it is on something that is affecting out world, it leaves and impression long after you read, I hope that was your goal, I'm impressed
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"where is the love in our heart
who sell it, cause someone need to add it in their shopping cart"
that is an absolute beautiful write and it is on something that is affecting out world, it leaves and impression long after you read, I hope that was your goal, I'm impressed
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You are really writing good poems. This poem is the poem of the tortured world. You are the king of them and you are talking like the king. hehehe
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I loved the line that said, the world was named black. This world is so dark and cold, but that doesn't mean we have to join in hands with that darkness. I agree with you in standing up to injustice. Nice, strong write. Thanks for sharing and good luck in all the contests. Congrats on the HM.
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where is the love in our heart
I like that line- cause it hits the nail on the head- in the world we live in love doesn't make the world go round anymore. The world stiffles and threatens love instead of supporting it. The world has become a very menacing place. It is so sad. -
wow outstanding responsabilty we are each one of us reasponsable for the actions we take each day whether the are right of wrong but the thing is that many never accept nowadays to accept reponsability is one of the greatist things we do wonderful poem
when you cry in pain who is responsible for this to blame when they die in war who can we face and roar they say its justified peace then why only the sorrow increase
congratulations on your well deserved shiny for your wonderful words take carex
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I stand beside you...wonderful write!!!
Blessed be~
Az -
truly amazing write. love the flow. very unique.
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really who is responsible?
i dont know. i am wondering that you are brave enough to write this
keep going on
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its a beautiful poem with a great message of the pain that war brings
peace, love, & cheese -
I love the message of this poem my kind friend. So sad the tidings that war brings...I share your heart on this.
Blessed Be~
Az
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the life of peoples are in threat
we pretend that its really great
i dont pretend
by the way i really like the poem
i think it can be used as a slogan for world peace
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Thanks for joining my contest
i like this poem from heart
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I think this is the best poem..yeah may be you could make it a little better choosing better words or making a better sentence arrangment but
the meaning oif this poem is the best
have we ever thought about the questions you have asked??
when you cry in pain
who is responsible for this to blame
when they die in war
who can we face and roar
they say its justified peace
then why only the sorrow increase -
Transcend All
now i have decided to get you back
to do this i will enter a world named black......Powerful statement, dark yet true to the feelings I know I'd feel if I lost my love! Thank you for sharing your thoughts,GROOVY piece!
Namaste'
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This is a very powerful and wonderfully written piece. I really enjoyed reading it...thank you for sharing it with us
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I liked it a lot
To me the end is a bit ambiguous, kinda hazy, but I absolutely love it from the beginning to "where is the love in our heart" I guess, I love the questioning...the rest I like, but it leaves me still trying to figure it out. Maybe that is the point, maybe I'm just a little slow... :-D -
very sad
A very touching write about the death of so many innocents. I like the question you have posed, "who is responsible for this to blame."
The ending is surprising, and so sad.
Thank you for entering this contest, and good luck.
Ethereal Melody
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