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This Black Orchard

My life is ending
And my fate is pending
As I lie on my back
Surrounded by nothing but black
My body is dismembered
Knowing I will not be remembered
My exsitence forgotten
It adds to my feelings, so rotten
My fear is growing
My blood flowing
I can't feel my legs
Because all that is left of them is pegs
I can hardly breathe 
And at every attempt I heave
I scream out in blind pain
I still lay on the ground, slain
Murdered by my memories
Killed by my nightmarish dreams
My heart beat drowned out by my pleaing screams
Will I live or die?
Should I give up and cry?
I think of if I died, would it matter
No, my life is shattered
My family broken
My feelings unspoken
And now they never will be
My soul will become a lost banshee
My limbs torn
My soul worn
And I'm still being tortured
As I lay in the black orchard
And the raven calls 
The dead blossom falls
The black barked trees
Strangle the breeze
And I see the raven eyeing me
And it leaves the tree
Landing by my corpse
It begins to peck at my flesh
And I start to thresh
As My wounds grow raw
The raven's caw
Sounds like the grim reaper's skythe cutting bone
I have never felt so alone
As I slowly died
Bleeding from open gashes
The odor of flesh turned to ashes
Overpowers my sense of smell
I keep spinning into an ongoing hell
I close my eyes
I can feel my life coming to its demise
And that's when I feel my heart being brutally carved from my chest
And I don't even protest
Because I know this is my time to die
And I'm left to bleed on the floor of this black orchard
With no heart left to be tortured...




A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • MyMudPies
    March 20, 2008
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    thank you


  • MyMudPies
    March 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    pretty damn good, koodos. Goood luck in the contest


  • KeepingTime
    February 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Great.

    'And I'm still being tortured
    As I lay in the black orchard
    And the raven calls
    The dead blossom falls
    The black barked trees
    Strangle the breeze'

    I loved this stanza. It gave lots of deatail. I like the poem a lot. Its very visual and it flows very well.

    Good luck in the contest! Thanks for entering!


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was a cliche, and pretty lengthy for my taste. I thought the ending could have been stronger, but it definitely fits the piece. There was a lot of detail, but it still seemed lilke you were just telling the reader, explaining almost - not showing them.
    Jeanette*~

  • Mercury Rising
    October 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Really deep and dark and disturbing, and quite effective in portraying a rather macabre and gruesome death scene. I thought I was the only one who has ever rhymed orchard and tortured until now. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering this excellent piece.

    David


  • Taxing Minds
    July 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great write and thanks for the entry.


  • Gasp
    February 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very great poem! i loved it great job

    thx for entering!

    ~marin~


  • Bruised.Roses
    February 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ive felt like this before and can relate..your words were strong and beautifl and breathaking..keep writting your very very talented


  • Jake Jackson
    February 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    firsst off let me tell ya that the names what caught my eye.line 29 is sould suposed to be soul? Wow a dark poem with a twistedly happy ending, way to go, I realy like this poem and i wish you the best of luck in the contest.
    xXxJosh R.xXx

1 - 9 of 9