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The Icon

The icon of His glory fell before me in the sand
The True and Perfect Union, so hard to begin
And the rage across her features, so hard to understand

What was writ across her features, spread across the land
It's not such a bad place to be in
The icon of His glory fell before me in the sand

Rage wreaked havoc on the small and merry band
Her face looked up and softened, and it gazed within
The rage across her features, so hard to understand

I sank down in the desert, lips locked to the land
What we had once seen forward, had already been
The icon of His glory fell before me in the sand

They all ran away from there, left the place unmann'd
She demanded the heavens, come down and tell her sin
The rage across her features, so hard to understand

If you take one step forward, I'll transfix you where you stand
No matter what you do yourself, you cannot win
The icon of his glory fell before me in the sand
The rage across her features, so hard to understand

A contest entry

What do you think? I don't even know what I think.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Lady-Pegasus
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your contest submission. Hmm, well this was indeed a unique write, to be certain. i felt that the flow of ideas was slightly disjointed and incomplete in some areas, there are parts that left me feeling "huh?" but not bad, perhaps a little smoothing out and elaborating would behelpful. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *

  • neonfuzz
    February 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You did really well with the rhyming. Oftentimes when a poem rhymes, it seems forced in nearly half of the rhymes. I don't think a single one of your lines sound forced.

    I couldn't quite get what's going on, but that might be because I'm slow. Or perhaps it's just a montage of images?

    Either way, I really liked the impression that I recieved from it. You write well.


    • Minorchar
      February 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. I'm not really sure what was going on either, lol. I think it was just kind of a jumble of images and impressions and feelings that I was trying to work out on paper, and this was the result.