Oooh it was snowing outside and his heart was being torn
for his love wasnt there for him to hold
but then one miracle happened he will never forget
the phone rang and he heard her voice
"My Love I am here
Look outside"
He ran to the window
and standing there was his love
He ran and opened the door she hung up her cellphone
As they wrapped there arms around eahcother
in the warmest embrace of their lives
they laughed they cried and held eachother close
When they walked inside they didnt relize they were under the mistletoe
until little Nikki ran in and began to giggle she pointed just above their heads.
They both looked up and began to laugh as his family gathered around
they looked into eachothers eyes and kissed
they sweetest kiss of their lives
The both wished that the moment would never end.
A contest entry
- Write a poem to be read at my wedding. by tinuelena.
900 points, ended September 23, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Umm. Pretty sure I don't know any little Nikki.
Don't just throw poems into contests that don't make sense with the theme/rules. It's bad policy. -
I really like 'tis very sweet and adorable. The beginning was kinda awkward but my fav. part was when he went out into the snow and they hugged....'twas very sweet. Very emotional and well written. You title can be a little misdeciving if you get my drift but it turned out really great. The first line Oooh it was snowing outside and his heart was being torn
for his love wasnt there for him to hold was very good because it showed how much he wanted to be with his love. You might want to redo the begginning a little bit. You might want to find a pattern to your poetry and try different styles of writing. For a while you seem to have a pattern going for exm. As,in, they, When. That seem to be the pattern. Keep to that pattern and if you are going to decide to use punctionation than do it for the whole poem. Not just a couple of stanza's. Keep writing loves...you have a great talent.
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add more poems. So them your talent.
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WELCOME TO ALLPOETRY!!
This was so sweet.
You did a great job with the imagry and it flowed well. You have a few spelling errors and I think that in this line you mean they to be the
"they sweetest kiss of their lives"
Other then that well done. I am a greeter here and wanted to welcome you to the site. Please feel free to ask any questions and I hope you enjoy your time here.
Despair
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little sister don't listen to him it is perfect.
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It has a magical and wonderful feel to it. However, it reads a lot more like prose than poetry. It seems like you were in a rush when you wrote because there are a few blatant grammatical errors. The first line doesn't make any sense for example 'for his love wasn't there for him to hold' ???. It's a little bit too sweet and sugary for my liking. I'll be peerfectly honestly, i don't really like this poem, but i'm sure i'll find other work of yours to be fantastic!
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