Dog eared pages wait
Hiding in contoured covers
To comfort the next
The next one waiting
For news on someone much loved
In this sterile place
Seated on worn cloth
While trashy talk shows drone on
Drinking cold coffee
Coffee they don't taste
Talk shows they don't see or hear
Caught up in worry
Until their eyes rest
My faded cover, a door
Leading out, away
Offering escape
Trembling hands reach out for me
Willing pages part
Offering shelter
Until she's in her own room
And he's at her side
Then I'll wait again
Hiding in contoured covers
To comfort the next
Author notes
This is a Mix of options 5&9, my passsion is reading ;p.. Chain Haiku one of my favorite kinds of form poetry. It has to have 5-7-5 syllables every other line. Instead of telling a whole story in three lines, the chain haiku tells a the story in connecting verses. It's harder than it looks ;p
Well this poem was inpired by another I wrote not long ago, it kind of changed and grew as I was writing it(that's what I get for trying to write at the end of the day at work lol). I think it came out nicely ;p Opinions?
A contest entry
- Many Options. by flyingphoenix.
750 points, ended February 19, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open Door by SurelyWritten.
303 points, ended March 28, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Infinituple Haiku by Pollycheck.
600 points, ended April 10, 2008, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
Thanks
-
Lengthy, but I agree chain haiku is a very lovely form to write in. I've written a few, and I'm always pleased with the way they turn out. Congratulations on your gold trophy, I can see why this won.
I smiled when I read the first line because I've used "dog-eared pages" as an image in one of my writes before, so I loved the image it provoked.
I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.
Thanks for entering,
Shirley
(A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.) -
Much thanks for the help on the counts in the 2nd verse. I always miss some little something.
-
interesting lol.
I love Haikus so of course I think it rocks, I;m glad you pulled it off, most people end up making them rather cheesey.
Good job
-JADA -
THAT WAS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!=)
AND I HOPE TO BE READING MORE G2G -
I personally dont like Haikus but I really enjoyed this one!
I loved how you showed feelings and the pictures were amazing!
It was a very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing this.
You have a great tallent, so don't ever let it die!!!
~Xymaya
-
Lovely! I like books so this made me happy
Just one thing to mention: This one line has one too many syllables: "In this sterilized place"
I suggest changing to "In this sterile place" so it has 5 beats.
-
I've got a secret love for chain haikus, and this is a incredibly beautiful one. It works together really well, and it's easy to see the visuals you have created.
-
Ok...
It started off a great read then i shortly got bored
-
Really lovely chain haiku poetry here - can see why this won gold in the contest. Flows well, lots of visuals and tells a story in these verses. Certainly worth this coveted prize. Congratulations.
-
Excellent! I liked the way you combined two options - and combined them well! I really liked the imagery used, I can imagine sitting in a waiting room - you described it so well!
Thank you for entering, and thank you for teaching me a new form!
webber
-
WOW, I really like this. I have tried my hand at Chain Haiku, and it is fun, I like yours more than mine though. For any doubters, let me reaffirm that it is harder than it looks, and this was one HELL of an execution of a very difficult form of writing.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
