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Madness Controls My Mind (40 lines although stats are 52)

 myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

 

  

...Today
my mind's turned upside down,
As madness storms through the door.

A ranting voice

repeats the sounds of phobic

 letters and codes. 

 

Who's 

this crazed intruder thats
tongue-tied its words,

throwing reality 
from its  only home.

As Madness battles it self,
its faceless soul S -C- R- E -A- M -S
to run this schizoid show.

Hope's
cringed

hiding behind skin and bone,
looks... but

      c . r . a . w . l . s    a . w . a . y.
With no light it wont stay.

A frozen carcass ,
lays within a

  Fo e t a l  curl

upon  sanities clean floor.

S-T-R-E-N-G-T-H...
           

Stands HIGH flexes one time,

it's skin begins to fold a crease.
It's lost it's power to shield defeat,
tears fall as it rushes through the door.

confusion lays,
Holding dreams within its palm.
Goosebumps of fear
tickle his mind ...

My ego's
dispute
where?, what? they are watching you!!

my world is t-o-r-n  ~ a.p.a.r.t
As madness squats within my mind.

...If only

silence comes back home,

to mute the demons echo curse..

 



   

Author notes

Insanity madness within the mind, the loss of control

This is only a poem, thrown togther it plays nothing within my life just painted words... I am not schizophrenia as some have thought..lol

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Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • Desired-Lucidity
    December 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I HAVE TO AGREE WITH THE PREVIOUS COMMENT. THANKS FOR THE ENTRY GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST


  • BigE
    December 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A nice write overall you've actually captured insanity in this and for that I have to give you props. There were a few mistakes here and there such as "lays" -> "lies"

    OVerall a good theme, good depth, good literary use. OVerall a good poem, thank you for entering.

    Depth: 8
    FLow: 8
    Literary device: 9
    Comprehension: 9
    Total: 8.5


  • Hope Angel silver member
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... I am lost for words. Sorry I can't give you any aplouse... I don't have enough points... but I would give you 1,00. Awesome... description, imagery... and killer vocab. GREAT JOB!!!!!
    Jade


  • Oleander
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful poem! It captures the feeling of despair in madness and of not being understood. It also seems to portray it in a good light, which is just what I was hoping for. It's like you have given depth and understanding to something that's hard to express, like the desperation of feeling like you, your mind, is misunderstood.


  • XxToxicBeautyxX
    December 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a really great poem, the imagery was really good and it had a good flow to it. I also liked the format of this. You are a great writer...keep writing and best of luck in this contest!!!


  • Haunted Doll
    December 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "...If only

    silence comes back home,

    to mute the demons echo curse.." these last lines really captured me. my sister is schizo and i have some signs of it such as paranoia and delusions. you expressed the feeling well. loss of control, fear, not knowing what is real anymore. very well done by someone who doesn't even have this disorder.


    • Lyre-Bird-
      December 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Although I dont have the disorder myself, I lost a brother who did, I work within mental health & suffer depression... best of luck with your contest you really are a beautiful soul, for someone who can be open and speak out.... I commend you... mental illness is treated like a disease, society needs to have a awareness of the reality of mental illness to detach the stigma of it... Stand tall doll...
      Tracey


  • Oedhel
    November 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    ...

    You're poem is being removed from the contest because you did not follow instructions...

    • Lyre-Bird-
      November 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I understand rules in which you have stated for your contest.... but I am intrested in what was not followed, for this piece to be removed....
      regards
      Tracey


  • DogTagz-TheJalapeno
    November 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    that was really good


  • MercurialMist
    July 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    June 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this. The lack of strength and the confusion and loss of control. I don't know, it kind of reminds me of my boyfriend or the way he used to be. Not being able to remember, not understanding why he did certain things and what was going on with his mind, as he didn't really understand.


  • bleeding-within
    April 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hey! great write thanx for entering i loved the lines "Now my world is t-o-r-n ~ a.p.a.r.t
    As madness squats within my mind. "
    love the phrase as madnes squats.
    thanx for entering x x


  • mysticstorm gold member
    March 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    The confusion of ones own mind, has to be the hardest reality to face. Glad you didn't go there, it's hard place to return from.
    Dark and eerie, yet so full of truth for many.
    Wonderfully strong write.
    Best to you!


  • just-an-amateur
    March 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Such a strong write. Made me turn and look over my shoulder, afraid a faceless soul might be looking at me. Agh, creepy, but great. Wonderful job capturing that feeling.


  • Shiro Okami
    February 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    It's quite good. i like the way you've described what it looks like, rather than feels.


  • Gwenevere
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Madness comes to us at some time or another.When we lose what is reality and act totally out of character.You describe the feeling well. Ros


  • Raelin
    February 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!! What an amazing write. So much meaning and I must say..it speaks to me. Well done. Keep them coming and blessed be.


  • laughingstock
    February 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Delicious

    What a lovely sinister piece of writing. Very lovely imagery. I wasn't too sure about the picture... it didn't really add anything but distubing thoughts. It looks like something from "Evil Dead" and I don't really know what it has to do with the writing. But it's all good. This is a great adaptation of a disintigrating mind. And I think you did really well in choosing this piece for this contest. Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • PainfulPleasures
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wicked

    Mind poems are always wonderfully interesting when done right, kudos to you. The format was good, and there was a good beat to it. Nice pic as well. :3


  • RedAquarius
    February 9, 2007
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    Dark and twisted, it gave me shivers (so did the picture!) Good luck in contest!


  • Myjoy gold member
    February 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    The mind is a crazy thing. Who really knows the darkness within one own mind. I feel it in so many people just try to control it one more day. I thought this piece talked to me in so many different ways. Well said.


  • Love of a Bullet
    February 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I found this work to be both pinched and poignant. At times I felt connected to the piece as I envisioned the process overwhelming conciousness.

    The failings in this work, in my opinion, stem from the common premisability and ordinary popularity of insanity. It is a struggle to portray, with excellence, a concept rendered unfortunately blase by the rumbling, grumbling masses.

    Good luck in your future works. :-)

    Breakdown:

    Image: 8.6/10
    Emotion: 8/10
    Rhyme and flow: 6.1/10
    Cohesion: 7/10
    Message: 7.2/10
    TAC: -0.4

    Overall: 7.3/10

    PS - double woot to whoever wrote "the picture reminds me of my dad"


  • ScratchedAt
    February 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    VERY different than what I'm used to reading.
    And the picture adds to it. I don't know what to really say, maybe I'm not deep enough to. But I enjoyed this for it's... uniqueness.

  • gypsyfish
    February 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    EXCELLENT/ THE BEST OF THE MINUTE!!!

    heres the deal man! if your turned upside down, then AT LEAST YOUR FEET ARE POINTED DOWN!!! right? so NOW you got SOME direction!!!! 'they' say never go streight, but YES, go streaght, cause the shortess distances between two points is a straight line. ok? and even if you never make it, at least you were on your way... and as far as that light goes, AVOID THAT LIGHT!!!! it's probably oncoming taffic!!!! and reality IS NOT torn, it is just really, really, really, real... understnad? love GYPSYfish

    p.s. i really liked the fucking picture. reminds me of my dad...


  • Dalaney gold member
    February 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    That is one damn scary picture...
    The poem is, too. You wrote this
    very well. Love, Lane


  • February 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I agree. This is very powerful and you have a magnificent (sp?) talent


  • Starswhispers silver member
    February 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow very powerful I am speechless and so grateful I came to discover your great talent. Those line have reach for inside my soul memories of a dear friend who battled with schizophrenia for 12 years, 2 years ago he finaly get in touch with my brother saying he had recovered, he had spend 3 weeks holiday in my flat in Italy before falling ill he was one of the most intelligent and kind man I have ever met. I wrote about him in "Defeated soul". Humane mind so strong but so fragile, take care


  • yassmin
    February 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    well v great,expressive description of a case of schizophrenia,well if this really happened there's much hope cause more than 95% of schizophrenia gets treated trust me a a future psychiatrist to be am here if you need any help,great write best wishes


  • forget my memories
    February 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    first of all your picture is amazing....

    this poem was so dark i ushualy am not into these typs of peoms. but i dont know it was very well writen a flowed together very well all the emotions comming from it felt real and sort of chilling amazing job!

    ♥♥
    sam

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