Full moon

I find my self in chains again
A wild dog in a cage
I know their names
Self-protection
Self despise
Self hate
Self-control
They’ve always been there
More or less visible
I’ve always hated them
But always on the inside

I see you walking by
From time to time
You’re looking at me
“Are you okay?”
NO I’M FUCKING NOT
Look at me
Skinny and pale
But only on the inside
Outside I’m rosy and fat
I only yell on the inside
I only yell at me

So I’m crying at the full moon
At night when I’m alone
When no one else can hear me
When no one else can care
I tell you “don’t get near me”
I’ll tell you “me? I’m fine!”
“Actually I’ve never been better
Truly, look at my smile”
And when you turn to fall asleep
My inside scream in my head
“Fuck you I hate you
Don’t you touch me!
Stay away”
Please don’t leave
Promise me!
You’ll never let me fall

I’m crying at the full moon
Pleading her to set me free
I know she’ll always love her child
But the prison guard is me
I fade and slip away
Tail between my legs
My ears flat at my neck
My heart left on the ground
What comes when sunrise finds me?
When I end my fight against me
When once my inside’s outside
When once my anger’s free?