Placing them in position,
he waits for the final push.
So many before set up,
and yet nobody caught on.
they are born slaves of their mind,
and their crooked black homes fall.
An evil game of dominos
where they think they are to smart,
but if they had common sense,
they would not fall for the trick.
If you are a domino,
you would never perceive it.
If you are not one of them,
you will never have to see.
If you have already seen,
you know what dominos do.
One by one they all fall down.
A contest entry
- ~*~Make Me Think~*~ by Bend to Break.
600 points, ended February 5, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm leaving... by Aeonna.
450 points, ended February 16, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I love this one. you know what dominos do.
One by one they all fall down...This is so true....Great write
. Rewarded 4
-
Terrific finish with a great message. The execution, however, felt a little strained in the first two lines. I think it might have been the reference to "he". It is singular in the poem and it creates a dimension that is unwelcome to the rest of the metaphor.
Good luck in your future works. :-)
Breakdown:
Image: 8.5/10
Emotion: 5/10
Rhyme and flow: 7.3/10
Cohesion: 9.1/10
Message: 8.7/10
Teen angst coefficent: 0
Overall: 7.7/10 - well done.
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