I'm just a person,
I'm rusted old chains,
I've tattooed my brain all the way,
Inside the outside, cracked, struck and scattered
It’s all for nothing, just trying to be
In league with the minute
'I' in 'me'
Author notes
THis is one of the first efforts I have made at a compilation i am calling "reactions and reflections" they are all in an alpha key such as the key of "I" or "L" so far.
A contest entry
- Give me your prewrites!!!!! by Nereida Nightshade.
450 points, ended February 19, 2007, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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i forgot to give you smilies
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very unique in a way
i really like it too
i feel like this like
completely everyday
-suicidal revenge- -
Wow very good. I love it the words are so strong in this poem. Thanks for putting it in my contest it was a pleasure to read!
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I see what you mean, Sometime we all can feel that way, I know exactly what you mean, i went through something like this last year and you put it down so clearly and beautifully, I knew exactly what you meant, And i really connected with this poem.
thank you.
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Simple
I like your verse.
The simplicity is moving.
I wish I could write the way
you do.
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Intriguing. Kind of an imagist meets trancedentalist with a pinch of Dickenson...but still all your own. My favourite line in this is definitely inside the out...One thought (always try to leave a thought)
I've tattooed my brain all the way
is kind of seperated from the rest of the language. The image is perfect, it's just a little less crisp and far away...Maybe something like I've tatooed my brain, marked completely
but that's just me. Awesome work
Much Love. -
wow...
i really like this.......and aftre reading gaya`s comment...i got the meaning of i and me...I REALLY LOVE IT....nice...the flow of this poem is great..and the layout is cool too!!keep writing keep smiling keep the peace..
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Yay for Rusted Chains
This is a humbling and interesting poem. It kind of describes the situation of existing, and not having much control over that. It has kind of a discouraging tone, but I like that. "I'm rusted old chains" is a great line.
The concepts of "I" and "Me" are crazy. I remember my friend talking about a sociology professor lecturing over these. The "I" you is supposed to be the you that is more solitary and selfish, whereas the "me" you is supposed to be the you that is more connected to others and their needs. I may be getting them mixed up, but I like how you've separated "I" and "me" in this poem.
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Thanks for picking up on the meaning of "i" in "me" it is very much a dichotomie as you have stated. A trade off between the social and solitary, "Emic" and "etic" self. thanks, awsome comment.
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I really like this piece..Its well written and is thought provoking..you have done a excellent job =)
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I've tattooed my brain all the way...
its very expressive...
In league with the minute
'I' in 'me'
very thought provoking!
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the tattooed my brain part reminds me of dark globe.
mhm. -
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Yeah it does, it happens to be a favourite of mine, James barret typed the words to the song out below.
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ah. the only thing i know about dark globe, is placebo does a sweet cover of it.
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It's a gret song off of the Madcap Laughs, Syd Barrett was the founder of The Pink Floyd. Perhaps Placebo like so many of us was inspired by him.
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I've been editing and playing with this one a bit
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Perfect
I'm only a person whose armbands beat
on his hands, hang tall
won't you miss me?
Wouldn't you miss me at all?
I'm only a person with Eskimo chain
I tattooed my brain all the way...
Won't you miss me?
Wouldn't you miss me at all?
I like the whole poem no favorite part or least favorite part. If I did pick one then the poem would be unfinished to me.
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more metaphors i wanted and personification to spring forth efforts yet the emtoion were so true my soul sak for more tears
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yes it could be longer i agree but then it just wouldn't be Minute like the "I" in "me" is, hehe. thanks.
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short and sweet, but right to the point. I can feel the sadness...
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Thanks, yep it's Minute, hehe.
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I'm rusted old chains
This line really struck me the most. Neat reflection. I hope you feel better.
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