You stand before me
still and motionless
Your substance
clear and visible
You tempt me,
tease me, captivating
my senses against
my will,
knowing how much
I need you
I want to touch you
with my lips,
but I know if I do,
you will
disappear
In a list
A contest entry
- Write Something ! by Cherokee.
300 points, ended February 10, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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BEAUTIFUL!
Your descriptions are wonderful!
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wow this is amazing...a very imaginative write indeed..you have filled this with pure sexual desire cradling your very essence well done love this is very very beautiful...wow xxxxxxx
laura xxxxxx
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LOL
Now this was simple but so clever! Excellent job describing water without ever saying it! Wonderful job!
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Awesome!!
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WOW
This is great!! didnt know if I should be excited are just plan thristy...
(I want to touch you with my lips but if I do you will disappear...Knowing how much I need you. good luck
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hmmmm, I like this, it touched me above and below, my waterline , it was as if a soulful woman was bidding me to take a chance, and do her bidding, but I only chose to tease her
instead and my loss was much greater for it, half full or half empty....Artis -
Such a provocative write to a glass of water. Without the picture, it takes on another whole meaning. Even to the last line "you will disappear". Some lovers disappear as quickly as they appear in our lives. Great write.
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I like
This is a tease for sure. Love your thoughts, with wonderful meaning. Take me on your carpet once more. I loved it!
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Now I am thirsty..once again you have amazed me and turned something into nothing...truly shows the talent you possess....Muauuahhhhh...
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oh ho ho ho, yes indeed....and I shall need a dirnk as well. Aw, just stretch it a couple gf.
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This is really interesting. It seems this could be about anything, and I think that is why I like it.
Good write.
Best of luck! -
This poem makes me want to go and get a glass of water! What a unique write you have here.
I really like it as it's surely not something I see everyday. How you were able to draw such a neat poem from a picture of a glass of water is beyond me. I like to write for pictures, too, but I don't think I could come up with anything cool for this...mine would be boring. lol. Nice job on this one!
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Wow
This is shamefully delicious; you wrote volumes in so few words. If a picture can say a thousand words then this piece can say another thousand. Your image is obvious but your flow is wonderful, it rolls off the lips. So why do you use commas? They spoil the aesthetics of the piece and your flow is such that they are not needed. Thank you for playing a movie in my mind. Amera
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Sweet!
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I don't know why I laughed so hard the first time I read this. Thank you. Well done. I like the way you could be talking about a drink of water or a person. -
Nice piece but the contest requires at least fifteen lines.
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Interesting piece my friend. This pic when I aw it never seemed to inspire anything. But I see it did for you. You did well and I enjoyed your piece. Great work, Good luck in the contest.
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This is great. Though we see many things they are often transparent, much like many people in the world.
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I like this! It clearly depicts how many things we 'see' that are not real.
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