The court is ready; the case is open
You're in chains & you come creepin'
It's the trial of your betrayal
You always cheat, you're not so loyal
It's your crime of stealing my heart
You left me alone & torn apart
You never care or ever be there
You're always gone; you didn't dare
I thought you took my heart for real
But you took it for granted, you never feel
Yet the judge is ready to spread just
& the jury are looking at you in disgust
They're all eager to proclaim your guilt
& I'm waiting for you to be away-swept
Tears are coursing down your cheeks
But you deserve it; you won't be at peaks
The judge is staring; the jury are consulting
Hesitated, they don't want to keep you living
'Cause when you stole my heart you stole my life
To all of us it's like a murder with a blunt knife
Yet I'll forgive you after a very long time
Give me back my heart & I'll forget your crime
For this trial may remind you of me
Before you take another heart, WAIT & SEE.....
Author notes
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y57/Kit_kat_katie05/Heart_Break_by_evolra.jpg
A contest entry
- PREWRITES ONLY by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended September 28, 2007, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Poet
You know what they say...Payback is a B...h. And so be it. The poet always finds their words & justice. well done.
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this was hard to bear because there were no breaks and the rhyme was not metrical at all. it was essentially a string of couplets. i wont lie. i couldnt get through it on my first read. it really needs to be broken up. or i really need to get some more caffeine in my system one.
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Thank you for yourentry Good luck in the contest
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Enjoyed reading this, thank you for entering the contest, Good Luck.
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an exelent write , i love the way you have used the court room as a base for this one, very good work
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The judge is staring; the jury are consulting
Hesitated, they don't want to keep you living
'Cause when you stole my heart you stole my life
To all of us it's like a murder with a blunt knife
an original outlook that i loved to death<3
and the last words of corse, were perfect=]
Keep the ink flowing
thanks for entering
Ka -
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I'm glad you liked it..
Thanks
<3
--Heba
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This poem is very dark and deep, full of betrayal and hate. I feel that some of your rhymes are a little forced. I feel that seeing this poem is deep, that since you chose this rhyme theme, that you'd put a bit more into it. At two points in your poem you actually break the rhyme scheme, with just proves my point. I think you poem would also work better if you split it up, sort of like stanzas, with just two lines in each. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Thanks
First, Thanks for your comment. I like your contest too.
Secondly,when I wrote down this piece, I never intended to make it in stanzas just for one reason, I wanted it like a free verse yet rhymed..
& I also wanted to be like a call for rescue, [eg: when you shout for help, you repeatedly shout & never pause] I mean if it was in stanzas, it'd be divided.
Thnaks again.
<3
GloriousGift
--Heba
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Wow, a very deep piece about betrayal. It is definitely one of my favorites in the contest. Thank you so much for entering it.
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This one was tight and fast -- and had a great flow to it.
I love it. Thank you for entering my contest, and I wish you the best of luck!
...Will -
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Lots of Thanks..
Heba
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I like this poem coz after I wrote it, I found out that my ex deserved it..lol
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Ooo very different, I like it a lot, it's very unique =). Some imaginative rhymes as well which I like =) Keep it up! Take care x
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Thnx Alot..It's my favorite too..I wrote it after my breakup
x
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