I didnt know that you were here
watching me silently as i fell
and seeing my wayward tear
hugged me close and whispered clear
and had i know just what to say
when thinking of that moment when
as i digressed about my day
muddy with thought of back then
when things were tough
and days were long
as you were rough
with the facade of strong
as you walked into the light
failures shown and evident
unforseen on first sight
now somehow seem transparent
But now i know what to expect
from one i used to trust
dont ask for what you cannot get
you left me in the dust
A contest entry
- If You Want Comments... by RT michaels.
335 points, ended February 13, 2007, 106 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the best you can do! (for our none acomplished writers) by honey bear.
550 points, ended March 4, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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thank you for entering, only a couple of typo's (title and unforseen)
easy fixed.
i am not exactly sure what it is you are trying to say here for it seems as though yo uhave worried to much about the rhyme rather than the content of the write, a good poem does not always have to rhyme exactly my friend it is much nicer sometimes to think of what you have to say and worry about the rhyming later for you can always go back and edit, even a little at a time if you need to. good luck in the contest and thank you for entering
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i didn't understand your title at first, but i guess that's what reading on is for. A very...uh, not dark piece, but more of a gray piece. More of a drudge your way along the sidewalk because you have to go to work type of piece. You really get it across that this person is in the need for a change and soon. Thank you for the entry and good luck.
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lol....niice title!!! haHA. just kidding. anyway i think this was beautifully writen. i really enjoyed reading it!! it brought cheer but a lot of dark emotions too. so anyway i love it and i hope to look at some more things from you!! haha thanx
xoxo
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