This day I grow tired
and so incredibly weary.
My heart holds only dreams
of a life unfullfilled
A life not nurtured,
yet barely a glimmer
of the spirit that once was.
I do have memories of somethings good
-not all bad,
But the fear that I am alone
is like a fingerprint on my life.
Shadowing, waiting to pounce,
always there, unshakeable.
It's the mirrors that hold me accountable
to my actions.
Proof positive that where ever I go
there I am,
Naked, vulnerable, and yes
still alone.
As I try to allay this fear,
one lonely and painful pluck at a time,
It becomes crystal clear, that I alone
am damaging my soul to the very core
with each stroke of my hand.
I steal one last look in the mirror
and know that I alone
have self inflicted these blues
leaves me to ponder one question:
Will I ever allow myself the strength and grace
it will surely take to heal my scarred soul?
Author notes
This poem was written in hopes of beginning the healing process for my self. I have a disease called trichotillamania. It is an obsessive and manic urge to pull one's own hair until baldness occurs. I'm a 50 year old woman, married(with kids & grand kids)and have been doing this since the age of 5.
A contest entry
- ***Similar but still different*** I want a poem about YOU by Naridill.
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Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - y.o.u. a.r.e the [perfect] DRUG. x♥x by noir eyes.
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Honorable mention
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Bronze trophy winner
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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i would like to say that that this is NOT like cutting!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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wow this one was just really amazing! great job! thank you for entering and best of luck to you! NineTailedFox
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youch.. but its just like cutting, in a way. I like this-you seem to understand it yet be frustrated with what you have. It can get better♥
Dead Star--x -
deep seeded emotions takes a lot to write out our deals with depression this is one that sure brings alot of pain to the table thank you for entering this contest
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Not bad...
I was snagged in by the title, yet my interpretation seemed to hint towards a more introspective meaning. Given its simplistic nature, I automatically started referencing a lot of the imagery to things that have been hanging over my head lately (pun intended). A former colleague of mine, for one reason or another, used to sleep with a mirror beside is bed. He was a painter and as a fellow artist, we shared a lot of the same feelings of, sacrifice, loneness, self bashing, and delusions of grandeur. Being an artist of any medium has its price. You sacrifice your social life to a spoiled child that you give and you give, only to realize you words will never be printed on anything other than cheap paper. It’s not every day you come across a poem about trichiotillamania, so it caught me by surprise. My advice is that explanations shouldn’t be necessary. That’s what your words are for, but it’s something that even after three and half years of writing I haven’t perfected. I understand that you may have already written around fifty poems, however I’ve always been taught its quality over quantity. Not to say they’re bad, but let’s just think about this hypothetically. Would you rather have fifty poems with a vague appeal, or ten that could change the world? Please keep practicing and self digging. This one brought back some memories and if you can do that, I’m sure you’re capable of writing some fresh images for my head.
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Oh wow. That has left me speachless, it's so deep and you know what, i think everything that needs to be said, has been said below me.
Great job. Thank you for joining my contest and Good Luck.
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Hair-raising!
...sorry,I couldn't help myself(either).
There is palpable sadness to your poem,'Mam; but reading the author's exlpanation I was terrified.Terrified for you but terrified ,also for all of us. The lesson I take from "Self Inflicted Blues" is that we are all on the frontier of self-desruction...drugs,junkfood, plundering nature for quick profits or building arms looking for quicker profits:
"It becomes crystal clear, that I alone
am damaging my soul to the very core
with each stroke of my hand."
In big and small ways your poem is metaphorical of the world and each of us in it, with our own uncontrolable tics that we know full well are the roots of our troubles.
Glad to know that Allpoetry is consolation for you.
(...that you don't run into to many tasteless "comics" like me here.)
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Wow this is great well written poem. I really love it. When I say the words self inflicted became really interested and I’m glad I did. And I can relate because I cut my self sometimes but I can’t stop. Anyways great write.
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a great piece...and taking responsibility for oneself...bravo!...a refreshing change where everyone blames thier upbringing and situations for thier dillema...a great flow and imagery making a great write...well done
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Chrissie - this was very good - Must read some more of your work. Sounds as if you have had a lot of troubles lately - wishing your husband well and you too. Life's a pig isn't it? xx debs
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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I had never heard of this illness, I hope you will be healed by the writing of your pain. I will say a prayer for you, power of pray is powerful. Good write. Good luck in the contest,
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I'm sorry to hear about your illness. This is a very very good poem though.
I like how you end with a question.
Will I ever allow myself the strength and grace
it will surely take to heal my scarred soul?
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A very honest and inspiring write you have here. It makes me smile to know that you're doing better and poetry is helping to heal you as well. Thank you for entering my contest.
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Again
I know I've already commented on this one, but I wanted to say you've really inspired me. I am currently preparing for my final art exam, and as part of it I have included a study of self harm, anorexia, bulimia and trichiotillamani. I wouldn't have known about the last one to include, if it wasn't for your amazing poem =] Thankyou
Frankie xXx -
***Okay, if all you are interested in improving is your punctuation, this is how I would punctuate it for maximum impact.
***I have heard of trichiotillamania before. My husband and youngest son both have obsessive compulsive disorders. I know how healing writing can be. My novel was very cathartic in putting my postpartum depression into perspective.
***It’s good that you recognize that punctuation is important Line breaks are also very important. . If the line breaks or punctuation are jarring and don't flow, it can ruin the piece.
This day I grow tired
and so incredibly weary.
My heart holds only dreams
of a Life unfullfilled
A Life not nurtured,
yet barely a glimmer
of the spirit that once was.
I do have memories of somethings good
-not all bad,
But the fear that I am alone
is Like a fingerprint on my Life.
Shadowing, waiting to pounce,
always there, unshakeable.
It's the mirrors that hold me accountable
to my actions.
Proof positive that where ever I go
there I am,
Naked, vulnerable, and yes
still alone.
As I try to allay this fear,
one Lonely and painful pluck at a time,
It becomes crystal clear, that I alone
am damaging my soul to the very core
with each stroke of my hand.
I steal one Last Look in the mirror
and know that I alone
have self inflicted these blues
Leaves me to ponder one question:
Will I ever allow myself the strength and grace
it will surely take to heal my scarred soul?
But if you are interested in help in revising this, please let me know. -
A great message
& a wonderful gutsy write. a little self examination hen battling the blues. Tough hard words. But fear not your are not alone because of your words. which this old guy enjoyed & can relate to. well done
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"It's the mirrors that hold me accountable to my
actions.. Proof positive that where ever i go..
there i am,.. naked, vulnerable, and yes still alone."
These words bring tears to my eyes. I am aware of this illness and I feel for you. It must take alot out of you to write this and let people read and critique it.
Thank you for entering and goodluck.
Also do you mind replying me with your option number. Thank you.
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very sad but interesting write. i also have a tendancy to pull my hair out.. not so much now and luckily never severly.
But the fear that i am alone is like a fingerprint
on my life
especially liked this.
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A very sensetive, thoughtful write.
Thankyou for entering and good lcuk in my contest. -
very personal
great write i love it good luck in the contest -
Touching
This is so personal to read, I have so much admiration for you having the courage to write about your trichiotillamania. It wasn't a name I knew before reading your comments, and I think this is a really sensitve way of shedding light on a problem that may otherwsie be ignored by many. I really hope writing continues to help both you, and others wanting to understand about this disease or that are troubled by it. I have no critisicm what so ever, this really is a stunning piece of work.
Frankie X
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First, let me thank you for entering my contest.
Second:
The flow and imagery was very well done. Creative perspective.
Make suer to capitlize, and i do suggest inserting spaces, as to not OVERWHELM the reader.
Nice
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I have heard of this disease. Some with it have no hair left in eyebrows, arms or head. Pulling so often that there comes a time that there is no resistance because the root system has been damaged.
You have expressed your emotions fluently, giving us understanding and empathy. Nicely done.
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This is a very good poem you penned here dear poet well done and good luck in my contest
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well written. and i am sorry for this illness. take care and stay strong
XoXoXoX -
thank you very much for directing me to this piece. the disease sounds horrible and teriffying, yet your write was so well displayed and conveyed.
thanks again,
j
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Amazing!
Wow, reading this almost had me in tears. It is by far one of the most beautiful pieces i have read. The sadness and agony depicted throughout this piece truly touch the readers heart, and allows them to sympathise with you. You truly have a wonderful way of weaving intense emotions throughout your poems.
Everything was perfect, i have no critisism whatsoever, except that you really should write more, for you obviously have an amazing talent in that field.
Once again a fantastic write! Keep it up!
Yrs.
Azaradelle.
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for a piece on self harm, i deeply respect that it is written without the drama, the blood, and the apathy for life that I ofen find in a typical cutting poem. forgive me if i sound harsh, but it seems to be a very popular way to be these days... this has that beauty within the sadness. well written and expressed. thank you for entering!
(per rules - please put your option choice in your notes!!!)
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Hi Iced Raiyn, Thank you so very kindly for your honest review, means alot to me. I literally sat down last week and wrote that in 1/2 hour. Like it's been trying to come out of me my whole life. I'm confused though.. the reference to cutting??? I don't have that disease, i have a disease called trichotillomania. it's severe hair pulling, have had it since the age of 5.. I'm now 47. It's incredibly out of control right now, worse than ever in my entire life. I'm new at this, can you explain to me (per rules- please put option choice in notes!!) how? TYVM
workingharleylady
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