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reasons

 

 

 


there are reasons for our words--
cramped between chain-link
fences, the boarded windows
that drip-drip
anguish of generations.
when drunk overturns

in squeals and screams

and the finality of a last drink
until even the streets
buckle in protest.
never does the sky care
and its fingers
rape the paint
of an old flower pot
given on some sunday, so
long ago
when a kiss was borrowed
instead of stolen
in the struggles of night;
there are reasons for our words
when we speak of beauty

for we've forgotten the actuality
of its existence.

 

Author notes

rough... you know, that first draft thing and all?

first draft

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • SurelyWritten
    February 7, 2007

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    I loved the image of the raped flower pot- really exquiset image-

    and the suggestion of the'borrowed kiss', thought to be borrowed at the time, but you can't really borrow a kiss and give it back... so the wordplay is awesome

    me likes, although the ending doesn't seem to match the rest of the poem, i mean thought-wise it does, but wording rise its kind of still...

    look at me, dissing the ending, when all my endings suck...


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    February 7, 2007

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    pure Plath

    when a kiss was borrowed
    instead of stolen
    in the struggles of night;
    there are reasons for our words
    when we speak of beauty

    for we've forgotten the actuality
    of its existence.

    these two stanzas are so beautiful, i want to sit them next to me and when i die i want them in my arms as they close the lid on me. with these, i will never never be afraaid. thank you. ,,,Danni


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    February 6, 2007

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    Excellent

    I enjoyed the following lines alot!

    until even the streets
    buckle in protest.
    never does the sky care
    and its fingers
    rape the paint
    of an old flower pot

    I just loved how you pulled those words for this poem and the incredible detailing behind the words that really made this poem come alive. I really really really loved the way this poem went. Incredible and yet very beautifully penned all round. This may be a rough draft but I really loved this poem period! Sincerely, Paul


  • -ButterflyCuts-
    February 4, 2007

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    I've always loved your use of the word 'rape' in inanimate objects.. I mean.. it's a horrible word, but it's also painfully graphic and adds another dimension to the image. Actuallly. it reminds me of paula rego's paintings.. I'd describe her paintings as raping the canvas. They.. aren't visually vulgar, but have these incredibly sexual and dark undertones, stunning paintings.. you should take a look if you don't know her. I'm doing her for my final exam book in art.

    But anywyay.. I really like this. I'm having a problem with commenting recently because i'm using my mum's computer, so i don't have as much time. But i'll have a go at a critical with this.

    Firstly, to begin, as is always logic, with the end I can't decide if i just like it, or if i really like it. It's very good.. and it has a bite, but in a way it's a little wordy. actuality of existence.. idk.. But it's nice either way.


    "fences, the boarded windows
    that drip-drip
    anguish of generations"

    I like those lines. By using the word anguish, it has the same effect as using the word 'angst'- it stops a piece from being angsty, because you're aware the image is angsty, if you get what i mean. And i also like 'dripdrip' I like words that are very sensual but don't necessarily make total grammatical sense. It's nice I also like adding 'un-' to something.. like un-red..

    By the way.. I'm only eating green things today and tomorrow it is only yellow things.. whcih is a little harder.. and on wednesday, only red. Like a traffic light. \And then on thursday i stop and don't eat anything, then it starts again I don't know why i'm doing it.. but it feels safe.. like, it makes sense in my head. I'm weird

    -sigh- that was so irrelevent.. i'm avoiding my essay

    ah fuck-- i love this. now i'll go


    • Annalise
      February 4, 2007
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      I like the drip-drip... anguish of generations and streets buckle in protest...

      the rest of this I'm not particularly fond of. I posted in that rare hope that it might get critiqued into something better...

      I think the thing about posting unfinished work is that one at least knows which parts are decent and by the silence, know which parts can go.

      Eh. I just bought the best of american poetry 2006 and billy collins just molested the whole idea of writing poetry, at least to me. all uppity and acting like his shit doesn't stink. man, i really don't like him.

      I'd be avoiding the essay, too.


      • -ButterflyCuts-
        February 4, 2007
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        yea.. alll my work is unfinished usually. speaking of whihc.. i'm about to post something i could do with a crtiique for if and when you have a chance..

        it might be shite.

  • Rowan gold member
    February 4, 2007

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    First draft? Excellent;
    love this part:
    "never does the sky care
    and its fingers
    rape the paint
    of an old flower pot"

  • FindingFate
    February 4, 2007

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    Yes we have...sigh. The world is going to hell in a sense. All values, morals, etc have gone out the window along with the the forgetting existence of beauty. Well said.


  • NurseChilly gold member
    February 4, 2007

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    oohh i love borrowed kisses.... even kisses borrowed over the phone..... that travel across the ether,ocean and States ..... to get to where a body lays and sleeps... and wakes

    and oooooh... and how can we forget when beauty is so fragile in our hands...

    I shall speak of beauty of here Meli .... as this piece is... and it touched my soul today

    thank you

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    February 4, 2007

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    Oh my,you minx,this did a 180 and caught me,I love the thought provoking piece but oh the bittersweet of truth it hard to clamp between teeth and not sigh,cry and want to find a bar of chocolate,you penned reasons within the seasons of life that become treason,kudos.


  • poet2angels gold member
    February 4, 2007

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    perfection...

    This is so real, so perfect and filled with such imagery.......sigh~
    Amazing once again, Meli.....

    Lynda

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