The pachyderm that chose to lie with me--
masquerading as a vulgate virus--
has just rolled over in his sleep. I see
his trunk approach my mouth (the grey iris
so monstrous) bent on taking out his wet
dreams on my esophagus. He lubes
the crankings of my lungs and neck, my gut
defiled by phlegm, but when he thrusts the tube
it's little comfort for the swollen lumps
he's left before. My back can't take much more
of this; the Dumbo-cum-masseuse brand humps
are almost worse than every trunk-smacked sore.
But even though I'm jammed beneath this unsavoury
ass, soon I'll make him tinkle ivory.
Author notes
Bronchitis can do weird things to ya.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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That is a really disgusting personification! My throat felt rather strange as I read it. Still, it is very funny, and I like the way you stuck to your rhymes by attacking your sentences, reminded me of early Bob Dylan.
The last two lines...I don't quite get that. Does the poem switch here to become about an actual elephant raping your respiratory system, or does ivory have some connotation I'm not aware of...or is this just a throwaway and you don't really know or care?
anyway, enjoyed the read,
Cheers,
K. F.
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i thought i was tripping here lol for once author notes helped me out here
maybe losing that second the in the first line? sound odd with the pachyderm the chose
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Aha! I can't believe I missed that. The second "the" should have been "that". Thank you!
--Y
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Are you quite sure this poems about bronchitis?
As I read through this I drew a completely different connotation.. another entendre if you will.
Lines such as
"bent on taking out his wet dreams on my esophagas"
"lubes the crankings"
"my gut defiled.. when he thrusts the tube"
"my back can't take much more"
Whether or not this was deliberate??? god knows.
That being said this is a brilliant piece. You have a great voice in your own right. With the punctuality in your verse reminiscent of ee cummings
"The pachyderm the chose to lie with me--
masquerading as a vulgate virus--"
i've read this about three times and the way your meter unfolds has been perfect each time. i think you were right to divide the last two lines from the main body. Its fairly amusing all and all, especially with the title. You can certainly percieve the writhing in the "grey iris so monstrous" of the elephant.
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